I am not crying.

I didn’t cry yesterday either. You have no idea how AMAZING that feels! Like always, I document these moments in time because it later becomes a tool to help me through my “episodes”.  I am especially grateful because I am usually in a deep depression throughout the Holiday season..so…YAY!!!!!

I have not taken any of my meds which is crazy to me in so many ways, I have been using CBD/THC, it helps a lil, takes some of the edge off, but since I have been off my meds my eyes are no longer yellow which means they were affecting my liver..SCARY! My spouse died from Cirrhosis of the liver…he was 38 years old..38. You have no idea how hard that was for me and my 4 kids…yup 4…that is a chapter of my life I will one day share, not a chapter a novel. I developed PTSD form the abuse I endured during my marriage..that is yet another story to be told, truth be told it could be a Lifetime movie..

I am sure so many of us have some crazy stories to share, I have never opened up about that part of my life, I would never want to put that type of pain on anyones shoulders, but I feel like its time for me to use my voice , not just for me, but maybe someone who has gone through or is going through something too horrific to share will read this and know that there is hope..know that there is at least one other person in this crazy world that understands.

I am here.