Today has been extremely hard… I dont know whats going on. I was okay early this morning… but it just keeps getting worse. The anxiety, the thoughts (Boyfriend cheating on me or leaving me, being alone, having no one who understands whats going on in my head, overdue bills, scared that I’m sinking into a deeper depression and will have to increase medications, stressed about lack of money, poor credit & being denied for my student loan, part of me wanting to run away to California or something and just live by the beach alone & delete facebook and all contact with everyone, other part of me wishes so badly that I could lose more weight and feel pretty again, or that Flaco would maybe say some things that make me feel more stable or that he is actually wanting the same things out of this relationship, or that our sex life is almost nonexistent and I’m only 22 years old… I just want to cry my eyes out, but it just sort of stings and I feel like my subconscious wont let me cry because I’m so afraid of people noticing…especially when I put on the perfect front. What if I lose my job? What if my boyfriend cheats or leaves me? Maybe I was wrong to tell him about my mental illness struggles, and now he doesnt find me attractive and views me more as someone to be cared for? What if my focusing/concentration/anxiety wont get better even with all the therapy and medication? I’m so terrified. I just took 2 xanax…which I never take in the middle of the day unless I’m desperate (Its 2pm), but I’m at work and my mind is spinning with these anxieties so much that I feel like I’m going to be sick. I feel like I’m doing EVERYTHING possible… I’m so exhausted. So stressed. So scared. So anxious. So frustrated.