Well my brother went to get Ellie–his and his roommates new dog–shots.He borrowed a few things we had, well I guess my parents had: a bed, towel and nail clippers. I wish I could just be happy for him. I feel like an idiot feeling so envious.
I guess I should have just vented in the chat room but I hate to bring the mood down. I gave my brother some suggestions, regarding caring for a dog, but felt stupid after giving the advice. After all, what do I know? I was taught from my parents and even then, Gracie is still scared of men. I feel like I didn't help her enough. All I can think about is my brother's statement "I don't want a dog like Gracie. She's scared of everything." I love Gracie so much and am so thankful for all her foster mom did to prepare her for adoption but I feel like I didn't keep up my end of the deal. She's still scared of my dad and sometimes my brother–even after 3 and a half years…I feel like such a failure.
Why can't I just be happy for those around me???
I just got off the treadmill. I thought I'd feel better after the exercise. No such luck. I accidentally got a text meant for my dad. Don't worry, it wasn't inappropriate. I thought it was meant for me but then I recalled them talking last night. I feel so "out of the loop." I know my parents may need privacy but I feel like my brother is….disconnecting fromthe family. I know that sounds stupid but that's how I feel. All three of my close family members have something to be proud of: a new dog or a great late night talk. I just laid in bed thinking of so many different things: my second cousin who has a baby, my cousin who has accomplished so much and is very smart, my brother who knows what he wants to do he can drive and isn't a big chicken about it.
I feel like I have nothing worth celebrating…I just want to seek solace in sleep now.