The road i’m on  is looking like it’s ending. See as i’m wondering along this road my heart is heavy with a paralysing pain. It’s like it’s empty yet it’s full. It’s like there is a part of me that is missing. I keep walking and walking my whole body sweating, my thoughts intertwining and racing round my head like a hurricane, whats ahead looks so bleak, so misty so unreachable, so untouchable. My mind sometimes lets me have a tase of hope, as it drops onto my tounge i feel a rush of energy. My body seems like it walks steady for a while. But it’s all just a tease cause later the shroud falls back over me and covers my soul in bruises. People tell me that "At least you get those highs" but sometimes i wish i didn’t because it only makes the downs so much worse, it’s such a tease. "Look what you could have, look what other people have……NOW YOU DON’T!" "NOW YOU SEE, NOW YOU DON’T, NOW YOU SEE, NOW YOU DON’T" I realise that everyone has hopes and dreams in which they strive for them to come true, but sometimes they seem to slip out of focus. Maybe for a month, maybe just for a day or two. It’s all about these little ups and downs in life that make things slip in and out of focus. I realise everyone has times like this. But what really gets me down and makes me want to give up so badly is how often this seems to happen to me. My head races in and out of the clouds. Sometimes i’m all moods at once, i’m elated, anxious, happy, sad, calm, angry, sane, mad. I don’t how i can be all at once but it happens. Sometimes i’m so elated that my confidence shoots high sky, i think i’m strong and able to get through then suddenly i hit the floor, a tidal wave comes over me and i’m sitting alone in my solitude crying and begging with a god i’m not sure i even believe to save me, to help me, to guide me. Take away all the houses, all the people and all the street lights and there i stand, on the lonely roads. Memories echoe through the atmosphere, images of a lost boy standing there come and go. He holds out his dirt ridden hands, tears streaming down his face he clenches his hands into a fist in frustration as his mouth opens as if to scream, yet no voice is heard. His legs and arms begin to frantically shake as he tries one more time to put sound to his scream, but still he remains silent. His eyes are tightly shut with tears falling down the corners, he opens them wide eyed with a look of pain, a story of abandoment and fear reflect in his iris. He closes his eyes one last time, falls to the ground and then vanishes. All gone. Nothingness! I know it’s a metaphor for the child i used to be, the little boy that went unheard, unsneen. But before i can figure out how to save him he’s Disappeared. My life has always been a game of hide and seek….



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