Hey to those who still remember me and those who are reading this. ^_^
First off, thanks to those who left the bday comment. I really think it’s sweet. Thank you~!
Now for the depressing stuff XD
Well, me and Michael are over. I looked back at the blogs I made about being in love and how I’m probably just another stupid teenager who thinks they’re in love and I feel beyond stupid, but I don’t regret it. I still love him, but as a friend. I think I was caught up in the mere idea of just having someone like me for me (can you blame me? I ain’t exactly Miss America material). You know how it can be: You find someone who looks past appearances and you tend to hold onto them a little more closely… After two years, though, I kinda saw through my blindfold. I didn’t know the guy, we hardly ever talked, and he forgot both anniversaries. Normally I wouldn’t care, but he forgets EVERYTHING. And it was all just "I wanna make out and touch you" thing with him. I felt so uncomfortable with him trying that everytime we met up in the halls. E-v-e-r-y-t-i-m-e.
I remember the last day I was with him with him, we were over at a friend’s house for a surprise party I put together (which is a ton of fun, mind you). It was close to sunrise and I wanted to go out on the roof and see it. Michael and Billy came out with me, and Billy left us "so we could be alone". We didn’t talk at all. Then he’s leaning all over me, and we started to make out. And then I realized… It was just as uncomfortable as making out with my best friend. I didn’t feel anything anymore. It was… awkward. Then once I decide to go back in after ten more minutes of silence, I layed down on the futon beside Ceci and Michael lay on the floor beside me, and he started to put his hand under my shirt and he was moving up, and I told him no and tried to ge his hand away, but he wouldn’t stop. I eneded up making Ceci switch me sides, and a few minutes later he moved to the floor beside me again.
A few days later, I broke it off. :/ It was the Friday morning right after state testing. I felt so bad and I was crying in first period. My teacher found out I was crying and asked what was wrong, and I told her I broke up with my bf literally a few minutes before. I told her I felt stupid for crying over a boy, but she said it was okay to feel that way. He was my first real boyfriend, and it was gonna hurt because I cared about him; but I had to do what was right for me. What she said was true. I wasn’t gonna keep stressing over him because he didn’t make me feel like his gf/forgot everything important/blow me off for things. Those were the reasons I broke it off, so why feel bad over it? I was still sad for some reason, and when I went to Billy’s house (to escape the possible "I told you so!" from my parents), I sat on the roof, zoned out for about two hours, and began to cry. I still kinda feel bad about that, but I had to let it out.
I feel a lot better now over it, and I’d feel even more happy if he’d stop flirting with me >_< I had my bday party last Sunday, and when we were in the pool he was constantly after me, same as the party yesterday for my friend’s graduation! DX I just kept with some of my other guy friends, and whenever Michael would start up someone came to my resue. I thought I set him straight, but…
Anyways, so that’s been on my mind. Now that I’m single, Billy’s parents, my parents, and most of my friends are pushing us to become a couple. I mean, when I was dating Michael it was still going on, but now it’s like… Damn! Even Adopted Mom (Billy’s mom. I go over to Billy’s place quite a lot to hang, eat, and help out with cleaning, and so I’m basically part of the family now) said to my face that me and him were gonna get married. DAMN! Billy’s my best friend, that’s just weird!! To get everyone off my back, I told them if he ever expresses interest in me, then MAYBE I’ll consider going out with him. He’s too "in love" with his manipulative girlfriend, so it’s not gonna happen. At least… I don’t think so. I dunno, he wakes up and sees what’s going on, and after a few sweet words he’s wrapped around her finger again. I know he doesn’t know that she’s been talking about me behind my back, but I feel that even if I told him he wouldn’t believe me. On the other hand, I’m 100% sure he doesn’t tell her whenever I’m over at his place or when we’re hanging out. He’s trying to protect me from her, and I know that, and I gotta say I’m not really happy with it. It’s like I’m that secret best friend who’s just there whenver the girlfriend can’t make it. Is it okay to feel mad about that? Obviously he knows that she’s already tried driving a wedge between us, and I feel like he’s not wanting to pick sides, but he’s sorta choosing her over me… He’s my best friend, not my lover. Why does she hate me so much!
Okay, there’s gotta be some optimism in life, right? Well, here it is!
I’m finally a high school senior! I’m so happy I only have one more year before I can move out of the house! I’m on baby sitting lock down again this summer, so I’m really happy this is gonna be my last time. I’m planning on helping a friend move into their apartment, and she said I can crash her pad for a while so I can get away. Yay ^_^
I took the SAT yesterday morning and I think I did pretty good. It was the fact that I was stuck in that room for 4 and a half hours that bothered me… That silence wasn’t golden.
As for high school stuff, I passed all my classes, passed all my TAKS (state testing) and even got commended on two of the tests! I am now officially president of the Paranormal Club and I’m Vice-President of our theater troupe for ITS (International Thespian Society). It may not sound big (the second one), but it really is. =)
So yeah. Weird how school, the one thing I dread, is pretty much the highlight of my happiness, but eh, what can ya do? At least I have something happy to look at. ^_^ Well, this is long enough so I’ll complain more on life later.