I am proud of myself in that I stood up and was there to help save my partners life as well as take care of everything and everyone else, if i could just get a move into a life of value, I really belive that would help in my healing process. I am not one of those ppl that cannot be alone with themselves, I don't hate myself, I hate my lack of a life AND i HATE WHAT OTHERS HAVE DONE TO ME ! I hate the fact this man that was suppose to be there is now gone and left me to die after i saved his life, blah,blah,blah, I'm tired of the same old story. I am discusted with people and there lack of compassion where I'm at, I have seen ppl be compasionate for a poor injured animal, but not for the old man that lives next door that froze to death because no one cared to help him pay his bill, the money was laying on the table, he's now dead because no one cares, I've been told by the younger generation, no one cares, now I understand very well why they are the way they are, angry. It's not like i haven't cotributed to the ppl around me as I have lived my life is service of others, what i want to no is where are the others now that I am needy ? I have no car, because this man took it and left a man that did not have a vechicle except for mine to get around in for almost our entire relationship. Without transportation there's no way to get help, believe me I've stooped to begging to try to get better, I attack everyone who walks in the house to try to get help, I've went to my neighbors, I've called Church's, I've called homeless shelters, lawyers, doc's, I've called the anti-sucide line, I've made the effert not to give in to this mess, but now after 1 yr., and * months of living without anything, I'd like it to end. I'm almost 50 yrs old and have no health insurance, no collateral of any kind, no savings or checking acct., no401k, no vechicle, no electricity in my part of the house, blah,blah,blah, there's no reason to even get out of bed tomorrow, I can sleep all day, stay up all night, I can hope to get a shower , I can take care of mom, yeah for me ! I can't even afford to be bureid !  Sorry I'm ranting. I guess its god at least its a different emotion. Lol. Thank You both for at least replying to me, it means alot, no really it does. : ) I hope you both will be blessed with so much health and happiness u want no what to do !

Matt, I or we didn't have alot of money in the mts., and that was ok, we worked construction and cleaned houses,but that was ok, i in fact became a kick but fisherman, nothing fancy a pole and a worm, lol. Alittle money is way better than no money as you cannot live without some form of money, cash,credit, food stamps, whatecer it is, that's life as it is. Oh  come on pay for it, lol. Dianne. : )