I never thought that I would be joining a website and talking to strangers about my feelings, its almost easier this way. You see this way I don't feel weak as i would if i were talking to family members or friends, I gave up on that though because sure you receive feedback and maybe a sense of direction but i feel like they are too busy with their own lives to actually help in some way. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore, i feel like i am going backwards or almost as if im stuck while all the people around me are accomplishing things and moving forward in their lives, starting careers working for the future when i feel like i am working for nothing and it doesnt matter what i do i can never stay on top of things. I have always been really hard on myself probably because I am the middle child of 3 girls and it was always a competition or whatever so I just faded out did my own thing right from the age of three. Being alone is my therapy but being alone is also when all my enemies and demons haunt me. The stress builds up and i become weak and i cry and i plot ways to make things better but then something new comes along and once again im in the black hole. somedays i burst into tears for no reason or I freak out because something isnt going right and i stress out to the point where i cant sleep, i dwell on things until my mind is numb and then i eventually fall asleep. Im tired of pretending everythings okay. I am in costume, disguise, the smile on my face is ten miles wide, but the darkness i hold inside is swallowing the light. somebody say something please.
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THIS IS MY BRAIN ON NARCISSISTIC ABUSE
ProfessorLisa1, , Anxiety, Depression, Uncategorized, Divorce, Domestic Abuse, PTSD, Relationships, 2
Hi Everyone, I’ve been going through an emotional thunderstorm ever since I broke through the denial THAT WAS my...
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A Freakin' Mess
sadviolinist, , Depression, Anger, Career, Child, Depression, Sleep Disorders, Social Anxiety, Therapy, 0
I'm not a stranger No I am yours Crippled anger Tears that still drip sore Fragile frame edged with...
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I’ve had enough of all this ball shit
Harleystrong03, , Depression, Child, Domestic Abuse, Suicide, Therapy, 4
I am 16 1/2 years old and I’ve been having so many therapy sessions but there pointless they just...
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Implosion Imminent
MJDoe, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Relationships, Social Anxiety, 0
I don't know anymore. I don't know if I'm going crazy (whatever that means, aren't we all?) I don't...
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Nothing doing
uberbobolink, , Depression, Career, Parenting, Sleep Disorders, Suicide, 0
Having nothing to do on New Year’s Eve doesn’t concern me in isolation, but I start to become concerned...
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The Mothers Message
paulsh, , Depression, Anger, Child, Depression, Grief, PTSD, 1
The time of the Mother is HERE. Hello my fellow beings, The Mother has placed on my...
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Same As Before- Or Even Worse
Kellicfan, , Depression, Anger, Self Esteem, Stress, 0
Hi. I need to write this down because I feel like I am bothering everyone around with my problems....
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Wavering between thoughts and decisions
Steph_jn, , Depression, Anger, Depression, Personality Disorder, 2
I am thinking that it is me. It has to be me. If I am a nice person they...
can so relate to what you say……..
i find this website is the one place i can open up and be myself…..
i find i am isolating myself more and more……
living a life of pretence …..being the person that everyone expects
but inside there is this pit of darkness….full of negative thoughts and unhappiness….
Believe me …you are not alone……and when i read blogs like yours
it reminds me that i am not going crazy……i just suffer from this damn illness
called depression
try and hold onto the good thoughts…….that little bit of brightness is there
all we gotta do is find it……and never let it go…….
I understand what you are saying. Its actually called masking. Before I learned this in the hospital I always said I was wearing a mask around people. I remember feeling like the mask was cracking. Then it did and I was in such a dark place and have been there for a few years. I am honestly am feeling better lately but I don't really trust it. It has been a long hard road with suicide attepts and hospitalizations and therapy (which I am still in). Are you in therapy? If not you should find a good therapist that you like and fell comfortable with and if you don't feel that way about them, try someone else, the right person is key. I really do understand what you are saying…its like a crazy spiral. You feel all these negative feelings and you beat yourself up for feeling them and all the while you are trying to keep this facade that everything is relatively ok (I say relatively because you don't think people are noticing that something is going on, but they are). Its exhausting. Hang in there as hard as it is and seek therapy. Please feel free to friend request me and message me anytime. *this thing needs spell check*
Kelly