Man…why does everything have to be so effing hard for me? I guess maybe I asked for it. It's memorial day weekend, everyone I know is relaxing, having fun, and I'm working on a project for a job interview process (programming test) and making calls to pay bills, get my insurance changed over, update my debit card info with another place, sending forms into my medical insurance company, paying a ticket, then when I'm done with that going for a run and if I'm lucky working on a piece from FF XIII on the piano.

I guess I put it on myself that I have so much to do but it's like wow…I'm 23…and when did I get so old? Maybe it's a sign of the times but most people I know my age are living with their parents, going to community college and "trying" to find a job. I tell these people like 5 places to find a job and it's like they're not even trying. Hell, I've GOT a job and I'm looking for a better one. Maybe it's just that I'm never satisfied…

I don't know though, maybe I should take it easy after this. I'm always pushing and struggling. It seems like nothing in life is given to me, it must be earned. But I've come pretty far as is. Friday I got setup for classes in the fall and passed my phone interview for a job, yesterday I started this project and bought groceries and went to the card shop with some friends and family. It was interesting…because these people talk about how buying a few $4 booster packs is too much money for them. I was like…dude that's not that much.

Am I out of touch? I feel like I struggle with money but I can pay my bills and still go out to restaurants and buy cards and games and anything I need aside from a big purchase like a laptop or a new TV or something. My main issue is a $400-600 income increase I'd need to be able to afford tuition/student loans, my car payment/insurance/gas, rent on my own single apartment and therapy. I'd get that with this new job though. Seems I'm doing better than most people, but I never feel like I'm doing enough. Maybe it's my GAD talking, my therapist always says I'm way too hard on myself.

1 Comment
  1. White_Rose 7 years ago

     try not to be too hard on yourself. you're amazing. and you're doing alot better than some people i know (hubby). You have a bright future ahead of you. Dream big!  

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