I did something terrible this evening. Ever since I started these new meds I’ve been suffering terrible migraines and as most of you know I’ve been stressed to the max about money, my home and my no good ex causing trouble. My head pounding I asked my two oldest girls to fold their clean cloths and put them away. Not an unreasonable request. As usual the oldest did it and the other one who selfishly never wants to do any chore related task had an absolute fit. Screaming and crying and carrying on at the top of her lungs so that the whole house and half the neighbourhoods could hear her crying about how she hates it here and its not fair that she has to do chores and that her saint of a father (Who can’t be bothered to visit or call them in over 2 months) would never make her do chores and how she wishes she lived there. Well frankly I am so sick of hearing that and on top of it my head is splitting open like a jack hammer is going at it and she is just shrieking and wont stop… so I snapped absolutely lost it. Like a rino charging a fire I went after her and cornered her and started screaming back at her telling her she was selfish for thinking that everyone in this house should do everything for her and that she should never have to do anything to pull her weight. That she lived here too and she would be expected to do chores like everyone else and that it didn’t matter if her precious daddy wouldn’t make her do chores because he didn’t care enough about her to ever come see her or return her phone calls so she should just shut up about it. It had the desired effect. She went dead quite and apologised for her tantrum, but the instant I had said it I wished I could have taken it back. She’s just a little kid trying to deal with her parents divorce, a father that doesn’t come around, and a heavily medicated bipolar mother. She’s dealing as best she can and I screamed at her and basically told her that her father didn’t lover. Whatever my opinion of him she loves him and she needs to feel that he loves her too. I immediately apologised for what I said. I hugged her and kissed her and told her I didn’t mean it that he really did lover her and so did I. She cried and I cried and then she was better and she went off to play. Even though I apologised and set it right I could possibly feel worse. I feel like the worse mother in the world.

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