forgive me, but if i dont rant i think i will go insane. im so mad so sad and so so stuck. im exhausted run down and neglected. i have so many things to do rite now, i have course work to do and it really needs to be in as if its any later it could jeopardize my chance of going on to the diploma. im so sick of being shouted at and so bullied that i cant expect anything off of anyone in the family. i am beginning to realise what a bully my husband is and how he has me cornered in so many ways. he dosnt help in the houses at all any more, even though we both work. hes had to do some decorating recently and even that made him angry shouting and screaming at me “i have to do it all” he will rant and so i get on with it go and get the paint start panting the walls, anything for a quiet life. i do the shopping i do all the cleaning the washing i do all the school runs, i have to take time off if the kids are ill, we share the house paper work and nev will occasionally walk the dog, hes meant to pick the dog poo up from the garden but i often end up doing that now and he just doesnt seam to care how much i do and he resents everything he has to do. im working in a really stressful job atm and studying,and coping with chronic pain from a medical condition. when it got too much recently and i was late with an assignment i said to nev that i just couldnt do it all anymore, it was too much and i would have to leave the course, i kind of wanted him to see how desperate i was feeling and try to offer me some support with all the chores. instead he went berserk calling me a stupid failure and saying that he knew i would fail. so i just quietly got on with it and thats all i seam to do. the older children treat me the same as he does, he will sit and let them scream at me i really think he doesnt think its wrong to treat me that way as im nothing, often i think hes right. sometime i ask why he doesnt defend me and he say, well there his step kids and he dosnt feel he can discipline them. we have been together for 16 years and hes been the older 2s stepdad since they were 2 and 4 and he never seams to have a problem having a go at them when theyv annoyed him. i just dont understand it all. he never used to be like this. i know he hates his job but times are hard for everyone atm. when i think back, yes he can appear to be a model husband when everything is the way he wants it. it dont know what to do, im so weary and im sick of being frightened of being screamed at.


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