Went back to the beach and to see my mother in law again today. Felt good to know that something as simple as a visit for the afternoon helped her. She really wants to get out of there. I can understand why but at the same time, her Dr said this is the last straw- she has to stay there. Something tells me though that if my mother in law wants out bad enough, she'll get what she wants. That's what happened last time she was in there.

After the dummy incident yesterday at the beach (a wave knocked my daughter over and took her dummy- she LOST it about the dummy. Even though we gave her a replacement, and then I actually found it washed back up on the sand and raced to catch it- which I did- she was still completely unimpressed with the beach!! She kept looking at it with a face that said "you asshole") our daughter actually got into the beach today. She collected seashells and let her daddy take her into the water for a little bit. She's decided she like it now. OUr two sons adored it anyway- our eldest ran around for hours collecting shells and jumping thru the water and laughing, while our youngest (10 months old) sat and ate sand and sucked on rocks lol.

After the beach, we went to a wildlife santuary where the kids got to feed lorikeets (meanwhile, heaps sat and SHAT on my head- not impressed!) and our eldest patted a baby crocodile. Watching the kids have so much fun made me really happy. It's been so long since we've had free time to do something nice as a family.

Driving FREAKED me out again. I just can't relax. I spend the whole time tensed up and not breathing properly that by the time we get out of the car my chest hurts and my shoulders/back/hands ache. It's bloody ridiculous. Have to talk to this psychologist about the driving thing- definately a phobia. I even have actual panic attacks when my hubby asks if I want to drive- even if he's joking! It's getting beyond ridiculous!

My appetite was a little better today. I ate sushi for lunch and curry for dinner. Also found out that the $30 million lotto was won in the town we just moved from- but not by anyone in our family. Typical. I could've really done with a house, car, holiday or personal chef. lol. Oh well, shit happens.

Appetite: 2 rolls of sushi, icecream, curry & rice

Sleeping: still crap. Fell asleep ok but woke, tossed and turned all night. So over it.

Mood: anxious and paranoid, but didn't think about suicide.

Gynae: bleeding (light)

Things that upset me today: driving, bird shit, crowds,tiny perfect looking rich girls on the beach

Things that I'm grateful for today: my husband, my kids, the beach, good sushi, seashells, english toffee flavoured icecream, SHAMPOO!!