Hey everyone!!!! I have not been on here in so long, and strangely the thought crossed my mind how I miss writing about my days…. I miss being connected to people I don’t even know!!! Lol how weird, right? I guess not since I realize how important everyone is to my life especially those who are just like me, trying to better ourselves. I don’t remember the last post I wrote because it was so long again. I’m thinking it was probably when I lived in Indiana… I’ll start by saying that my clean date has not changed since 11-28-08 SURPRISE TO ME!!! I remember that night very well, thinking well I’ll just go ahead and put my new clean date on my basic text, on these sites and shit and I’ll probably get high in a week or so and just change it again, but guess what…something happened lol I changed. yay!! I fucking got very sick of doing the same thing over and over and over and over again, excepting my life to somehow just magically change? Yea right, I’m so happy I realized all I had to do was stop getting high and things would change! And I have changed!!! I am happy . Everything isn’t always perfect, but it will never be and I’m ok with that today. I have been accepting my life as it is now and just living instead of existing. I am honest with myself as much as possible and with others…. I am recovering!!!!!!! I’m not just clean!!!! I’m getting better!! I have 10 and a half months clean and I have a home group, I chair meetings, I chair a noon meeting everything Thursday since I moved to this area, which was in april. .. I am GSR of my home group, I have a sponsor, I work steps…I’m on step 3 almost done with it!! Scared to go to step 4, but super excited at the same time!! I have a job I absolutely love. I work at a vegetarian restaurant like so close to me!! I have my own apartment again!!!! I love it!!!! I have a new cat!! His name is skylar!! I found him and now I take care of him with jasmine, they love each other J I love animals!!! I love my life so much it’s insane. I have a good relationship with my higher power and I’m starting to mediate and do yoga to help with my anxiety that I used to use as an excuse to get high  so often. It took me 6 months clean to realize I had an underlying issue I was dealing with, and now that I see it, I’m more aware to work around it in my life without immediately running to drugs!!! I moved back to WV Btw, it was a god thing. I left Indiana one Friday to go to North Carolina to a dead show!!! With recovering addicts. It seemed so impulsive, but I prayed before I left and everything I prayed for happened. When I lived in indy, there were so many nights were I felt so alone because I was trying so hard to stay clean, but couldn’t make it to meetings, and someone I was living with was an active addict and I went thru so much there, but I never did give up, I cried all the time and talked to my HP asking for strength and guidance to help me.. I wanted to go to meetings and have recovering friends… I wanted a new job that suit me better….somewhere I didn’t have to ask people from rides all the time… and my HP put me here! Everything happened because I didn’t use and I asked for help and I never gave up ya know.. I just really needed to write that J I love life today. This is the longest time I’ve ever been clean! You know??!!?! It’s a miracle!! Now I tell addicts if I can fucking do it, anyone can!!! You know!!!  Although I’m super positive, everyone knows everything can’t be all going well, but nothing ever is perfect like I said and if u can tell, I’m working on that… acceptance is an everyday thing I work on.. I’m starting to fill full… like that emptiness inside is slowly, but surely getting filled with positive things, instead of junk like drugs and fucking bllahh!! You know what I’m saying…. Lol but anyways I’ll start writing more because it really does make me feel better. Right now in my recovery I’m at a place where I feel like I need to be more proactive you know.. I need to be more alive and talk more and be in the middle of NA, and do good things for myself…. And I like writing everyday, but like I know I’ve wrote on here a million times before, I never can seem to write without thinking it’s pointless… if someone out there is reading what I write I feel better about it? It’s like really strange. I guess because I’m a big weirdo Idk maybe it’s one of those things ill learn about myself in my 4th step that I won’t like LOL anyways….I’m done im going to like eat or something idk…. Hopefully my friends who used to read this will be like ok she’s alive! Yay. Anyways I love you alll… have a good night! Peace and love, Ashley