Thank god for friends.
I dont know what i did to deserve them but there here and there here for me. Last night after i wrote my blog , my head was all over the place and i got a text off my friend. He just said how are you, and i replied saying my head was recked. He rang me and we talked for 2 hours. It wass late and i know he needed to go to bed but he is jus that kind of friend, He talked through everything with me, he just let me get alot of shit off my chest and i am so grateful he is my friend. I havent known him long but i feel i KNOW him all my life if u get me? I hope he will always be in my life, he has been so good to me since we met. Aparantley i do the same for him, i dont know about that but i do know that he is a blessing to me. So are the people here who are always willing to share their wisdom, adivce an feelings with me and i appirciate that so much.
Im still feeling shit today, but better than yesterday. If im honest i have a huge desire to go and score and get stoned but i dont want to do it., i jyst feel like i need to. I dont want to stoop to that though and i also know that even though i feel shit now and scoring seems like a solutiion to my problems, and it might be – untill tomorrow, then il feel 100 times worse so its not worth it at all. The one thing stopping me is the fact i have to give a urine tomorrow and il be caught straight away…… fuck i would really do it if i knew i wouldnt be caught . Id be fucked if i was caught cos im detoxing. Im so mixed up………. but i wont do it, not today anyway.
Thank fuck im seein me counsellor tomorrow.
Hey everyone, thanks for the coomments. I didnt use anyway. i knew it would only make thimgs worse for me and i dont need that shit!! I saw my counsellor today and we had a good talk,she says she is very confident in my ability and has been thinking about me lately and the drastic changes she has seen in me, she says other staff at the clinic have been talking to and saying that change and transformation in me is amazing and that made me feel good u know… I know overal i am doing well, but eveyone has there shit days,im sure even if u have been sober 20 years you stil have bad days but i suppose one thing that comforts me is the fact that these days the good times far out weigh the bad ones so i know im on the road to a better place and my stop off points on the way are mosly plesent but im not going to expect every day to be perfect cos life just doesnt work like that wheather your an addict, a recovering one or u have never used once in your life!!
Thanks again everyone i really appriciate all your help and well wishes, it means alot! Love ya's xxxxxxxxx