You know, purple is my favorite color. I like blue and white and black and red too for different reasons but blue and purple are just longtime forever favorites of mine I think.

Why am I tlaking about the color purple? Well, I see it is a very nice theme color for this website. It's comforting for me.

Has anyone here ever aken the Meyers Briggs Personality Test? It's a very thorough test. I used to be a Psychology major. I have several friends who have been into that type of stuff too. I'm trying to remember what I was. I'll have to look on my Tumblr since my most recent posting from my most recent testing is on there somewhere. That'll be fun to dig through. But from what i remember, I am an INFJ. The one I wanted to mention was the 'I' part of it. 'I' for introvert. Now the world seems to be dominated by extroverts. That's not a bad thing. Necessarily. THere are a lot of smart, wonderful, amazing leaders made from extroverts. THey get things done. But the thing THAT I have always loved about being an Introvert is the fact that I have large tendencies towards deep thinking.

I'm apart from many in my family who are scientifically inclinded because of my leaning towards the arts. I love art, history, music, etc. So when I am thinking about one little simple thing – the color purple for example – I'll take example from historical usage, science, art, religion, etc. Purple has always been a royal color. It's a perfect blend between red and blue. Boldness and coolness. It's pleasing to the eye and grapes are delicious. It doesn't matter that most grapes I have had are green and the purple ones tend to have seeds in them. I have a bad gag reflex. I don't like seeds.

So yes. Purple calms me. I like it.

I don't like being triggered when I have just barely climbing out of my two month long stint with my depression. I like being able to think and process. I don't like having to figure out if my brain is going to keep up with my ambition today.

I have a large complex with judging myself. I'm a musician, we do that. We are our own worst critics. It doesn't help. if I can't catch a break from myself, then the depression "hangs on" that much longer. I am dealing with thoughts of relieving pain much less. I can respond in speech unassaulted by frustrating tears from a mind and mouth that is not able to handle the internal implosion.

I hope to God the near dosage on my medication will help.

Yeah. Deep thoughts. Other stuff.

If I don't get out thoughts on frustrations and triggered anxiety I guess I will explode. And maybe this time it will be something I can't get myself out of.

….I CAN DO THIS.