So, right now I am feeling very depressed. Tonight my mom, step dad, and I are going to have a talk about when I am able to go over to Alison's next. I hope it's soon. But I bet it won't be anytime soon, or actually I bet it won't happen. But, I have to try to think possitive, but I can't cause' all I can think about it her. And how much she needs me. She says she is down to 105. When I'm with her, she eats, and she is happy. I know we shouldn't rely on eachother for everything, but we need eachother. I honestly think I might cry if I can't see her. Her and I are both in a downward spiral head first towards deeper depression. Alison says when she is with me, she can be herself. And that is something she hasn't been able to do in a long time. It makes me feel so good inside to know that I can do that. Just me being beside her can bring her back to life, basically. She says I'm lifeless. How did she know? That is how I feel. Lifeless. I keep trying to talk my mom and dad into letting me go. But they keep saying "I have a bad feeling about you being there", but I don't! I am better off there, than I am here. Here all I do is sit at home, fight with my brother, and isolate. I love my family, but… When I'm with her, I feel alive. I have fun. Like, FUN. Fun is something I haven't had in 3 years! 2 year depression killed the word "fun" then this year was spent in the hospital, then recovering, then the hospital again, and now recovery. Forest View Mental Hospital has helped me, so I can't complain. But, ya know? So tell me. What would you do? Stay home with a brother who makes you feel worthless, a mother who doesn't seem to care about you, and a step dad who's love is strong, but barely skims your broken heart? Or go two hours away to the home of the girl you love, who makes you feel like you have worth, like people would care if you tried to commit suicide again?

1 Comment
  1. gopal2903 11 years ago

    have faith things shall work out

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    0 kudos

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