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I said I'd be blogging a lot. I apologise if I keep appearing in recent blogs and annoy anyone, but I will be writing as often as I feel necessary.

So I haven't done much since earlier. I've brought my duvet and pillows from my bedroom into my living room and bedded down on the floor for most of the afternoon/evening (it's a weird thing I've started doing, almost comforting). I've cried a bit today, other times I've felt very nervous and anxious. I poured away the bottle of gin I had, as of today I'm going cold turkey for however long it takes, maybe even for good. I ordered myself a takeaway as a sort of 'treat' for getting help, sadly I could only manage a few bites before I started to feel sick and have a random panic attack (I don't normally have them, it was quite a surprise). I've mainly lay here on the floor and watched tv, I slept a little earlier too. I'm so panicked about going back to work tomorrow, I feel far from ready but I've had too much time off as it is. My friend who stayed last night is pretty angry with me, I think she sort of feels I bring it on myself (which I do I guess). I work with her too so I'm hoping she's been discreet about my drunken exploits, if not then tomorrow is going to be hell. I'm also going to have my boss in my face about occupational health getting involved, which will be just another thing to deal with.

I feel very lonely, I wish I was at home with my parents, even though I can't talk to them about this I'd still feel better in their company. If I can just get through tomorrow then hopefully I'll be over the worst.

I don't know how well I'm going to sleep tonight, I think it's going to be rough. I can already imagine the trembling and sweating I'll be doing tomorrow morning, walking to work, dreading every step.

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