I’m gonna make this short. Then perhaps add more later. Because the “CONGRATS! YOU’VE BEEN SELECTED! FREE* GAS FOR A YEAR” strobe banner is wigging me out. To the point where I can hardly concentrate on this blog. And considering that it’s my first on this site, I wanted to make it a good one.

Ach! Fuck this I gotta refresh before I have a fucking attack. Be back in a minute. :dizzy:

Alright! Crisis temporarily averted. I just stuck my WinAmp over it. heh ^^

Yeah anyway…Christ I don’t even remember what I wanted to write, now. Um…okay.

I’m really glad to have find this site. A random stranger on MySpace let me know about it…and…here I am! Thanks, JoJo! ^^

It’s incredibly reassuring to know that lots of people on here are just as nervous as I am about interacting with the rest of the world. I always fear that I come off as super strange or completely unapproachable when first being introduced to someone new. My mind jumps around a lot. I have a wicked hard time sticking to a single train of thought for very long. And the trains that I happen to stick to for more than a few seconds, make absolutely no sense whatsoever to most people anyway. *sigh*

So, to prevent this from happening, I typically clam up in any and every social situation. I let others speak for me. I allow people to interrupt and talk over me. In this way I am easily manipulated and taken advantage of. It snowballs into bigger things and more terrifying situations. It’s initiated an intense paranoia and distrust of all humans. Including friends and family. Now, I rarely leave the house or answer my phone to avoid any further contact with them. It’s destroying the relationships I have with my mum and dad. And their concern only makes me feel worse as well as prolongs the inevitable “blue moon” call I make to let them know I’m alright and not to call the police.

Back to why I think this site is so great.

I can be alone, in my apartment, away from reality and can still keep in contact with my very real friends. I can delete words I know don’t make sense, convey ideas without interruption, and connect with other people who understand just what the fuck I’m talking about. But the best part of it all, I know that at least one of them — if not, [i]many[/i]…are experiencing the same anxiety I have been…alone, in their homes.

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