I just can’t be bothered. I can’t be bothered with doing anything. I don’t even know if I want to write a blog about it.

I’m tense; I can feel it in my neck. I’m sad. I feel so sad. I’m worthless; I’m a nothing, just a figment of my own imagination.

I find it so difficult to understand how someone’s mood can change… what are the chemical workings around it. What takes me from being content one day, feeling like the world is my oyster, then the next day, feeling so low, so miserable, soo helpless? I don’t understand it.

I’m having all these thoughts running through my head. I’m having thoughts of harm; thoughts of blood; thoughts of death. I’m not in a good place right now.

I feel alone. I feel lost. I’m sitting in my cell, my bedroom. Am I destined to be locked away forever?

I can not find the words anymore….

I just have to come to the realisation that I am doomed, Destined for a life of misery. 

My world is grey, there is no colour left. Not even in the most beautiful flower, or the most magnificent painting. There is no life. No wonder, no excitement, just a dull greyness. Like a fog that is clouding my life, that never lifts.