Yesterday, my Health teacher assigned my class an assignment. We had to fill this list that had two columns. The first column read, "Triggering Behaviours" to know what the behaviours of a suicidal person are. The second column read, "Prevention Responses" as in what are the responses you should give to prevent a person from commiting suicide.
In the middle of January of last year (2012, obviously) I lost my best friend to suicide. I took it hard and I've also tried commiting suicide 3-4 times in 7th grade which was 3 1/2 years ago.
While trying to do this assignment that was a full page printed list of a worksheet, I ended up finding myself bawling my eyes out, not sleeping at all and having mini anxiety attacks along the way from having myself remember everything. The last couple of days, my mum had me sleep in her bed with her because I could not be alone.
This past year, I haven't had a proper way to close myself from it because everyone at my school likes to joke about it and I still get bullied to this very day. Not physically (anymore), but verbally.
Each time I have tried to do this assignment, I would end up having anxiety attacks and crying. This whole week since we've been on the bullying, depression, and suicide topic, I have not slept nor have I talked to anybody because all it did was make me the way I was back in 7th grade.
I have told my parents this and my dad who is a very strong believer of not giving in and doing the best you can simply told me, "Don't do the worksheet. It is really not worth the stress and tears over it if all it does it make you feel horrible and down. Also, since you have not had the chance to get past her death, it is much more harder for you. So, I wouldn't do it anyways. I will write a note about this and you'll give it to her when you come to class on Monday. If she asks you any questions about anything further, you will have her talk to me. You do not need to answer any personal questions about this."
My Heatlth teacher started on the first day of second semester, "If you do not do the homework that I assign to you, I will give you an F and call your parents." Worried about the F, but not calling my parents. If she needs to know, they simply know why I didn't do it and they'd be happy to tell her anything else. I think it would be unfair to give me an F anyways since I have tried many times to do this worksheet and all it did was make me feel worse this whole week. That is also another reason why I have been thinking about suicide much more recently (aside from other personal issues that I'm trying to find ways to get through). If she does give me an F, I will care but I would take it because I really can't do this assignment. It is too much and too early.