Hi to all: 

  Welcome to my blog

 I have a habit of going on Careerbuilder and Monster as well as Craigslist looking for jobs. Most people would say that is great. Here is my problem. I have guilt OCD. I look for jobs yet always figure out something that is wrong with them. Talking on the phone (which I do not have the social skills for), Excel (no experience), errands (no car, no license), multi-task (I can barely function doing one thing) the list goes on and on. The point is I will look at however many things get my attention. I then will go through again what I looked at and then say if I could have done this or had this skill (broaden my strengths) I might have been able to do this. The point is most of the time I am not applying for anything. I was wondering if  any of you had what I call the O.J Simpson OCD? If I could have I would have. Remember "If I did it here is how I would have done it".

 Also when I think of working I say wow there would be money coming in but at the same time I am too scared  to start a new routine and becoming a failure again. How have  any of you been able to get over this or have you been paralyzed by fear? To have your whole family think you do not want to work is really hard. I will be honest for a long time I did not know why I could not be like everyone else. I assumed it was lack of ambition. I also had horrible co-workers and bosses.  I want to be like everyone else in the sense you work and bring home a paycheck.  At the same time I am sick of getting hurt.  

  Now those last two incidents that I mentioned Friday and Sunday do not make me feel as though I am in the right mental frame.   I mean if someone said the wrong thing to me who knows what I would say.

 Today I had another incident a male around my age was turning right onto the main street I was trying to cross. He darted out. Lets just say a few words as well as a few profane gestures came from me. I was ready for this guy to get out of the car and go at it with him.

  I had an incident with someone walking. This is another OCD. I am obsessed with how fast this male my age runs. It upsets me that I am walking about four miles an hour and he is running maybe 6-8 miles an hour. Sometimes I feel in my brain I should be walking faster than he is running. I know that does not make sense but I feel I have to be faster or better than people to make up for my short comings.

 Do any of you feel this way?

 Please send your comments.

Thanks

 Marc