I once was a good person.

I believed in things like hope,faith,charity,nobility et cetera.

Over the course of time the things that happened to me began to change me. 

I finally transformed into this monster when the last bit of goodness holding me together was robbed from me.

Because of who i am i am very difficult for anyone to get close to…or love.

But one girl loved me, about a year ago. I don’t believe it was love at first sight but i do know that the first time i laid eyes on her, i felt something i had never felt in my entire life. I worked in a resturant at the time and she came to work at the same place about a year after i started. I remember it well. I was cleaning one of the tables just like any old day wiping in concentric circles over and over again thinking in my mind who would win in a fight between a Tiger and sylvester stallone because i had been so bored out of my mind.

I heard a very small voice behind me, which i could not really understand. I turned around to see who the hell was bugging me when i was thinking about very important matters (sort of). Then i saw her.

Long dark straight hair, Deep brown eyes, Slightly dark skin,an incredibly beautiful face, and such a serene voice.

What i felt i didn’t know but i knew what i thought…

Absolutely nothing…. no pain, no anger, no sadness and no noise.

In the brief second of gazing upon her my mind had become completely at peace.

I was so interested by her… I walked her home every night after a 14 hour shift even though she lived in the complete opposite direction to me just because i wanted to find out more about her.

However conversation had been quite difficult because the girl came from china and had not fully learned english. but even so i persevered every night until eventually after 3 months she became capable in speaking english and we became immensely close as well as begin to date.

She loved me. The only girl to love me. The only girl who could love me

1 year later, on a beautifully sunny tuesday afternoon she came to my house, covered in tears, in an amount i had not seen on a person since going to a funeral. I quell her sadness slightly by holding her to me. But before i could compile words of comfort she broke away just enough so that our eyes could meet.

I won’t forget that stare, the kind of stare you would see from a soul in so much pain, it can be disturbing to look straight back.

She delivered the a heavy blow to the goodness left in me i kept alive for her.


"I cannot see you anymore."

She ran from me, i wanted to go after her but with something in me dying i found it hard to even walk.

2 weeks went by without a word, phone call or text.

On a friday night a mutual friend of both of ours turned up at my doorstep to remit the coup de gråce to my better fraction.

"Alucard, she has been forced by her family to marry a man who is wealthy and a good friend of the family."

Being chinese i knew that she would not do anything to anger or dishonor her family.

"She does not want to, she loves you but she cannot disobey her mother."

I thought it was all lies to make this easier in a very twisted way. But it was not to be the case.

They did get married, and i saw them…. she is now a prisoner, and i am all alone with only my dark side feeding me abuse and torture.

I nearly went from this life, but i am still here.




1 Comment
  1. livinghellangel 12 years ago

    My dear Alucard…your not the monster, the monster in the story is the traditions of generations of arranged marrages. She did what she had to do, at least you know she does love you, always will. One day the tradition will disapear, to late for you my friend..your mourning what could have been, that will take time.Dont rush it..but never think of yourself as a monster, we all feel that way a somepoint in life…i always say it’ life sux.’  x

    0 kudos

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