I was always “a bit depressive”, but the last year… lets just say all my demons had a reunion and dragged some new ones along. They party was going on and on and on and on… till we got to the edge of the abyss. I wasn’t there for a long time, but the surroundings where just to familiar and somehow comforting. So I stayed there. Waiting. To let go and fall. Deluding myself that maybe someone will come. Convincing myself that all the thing I hear about myself are true. Stupid, disgusting, disappointing, useless, unworthy, a failure.  No one came. Just like the last time. And all the times before. And all the times that will come.

I wish to all of you, that you see all those people that are around you. That care so deeply about you. We never know what storms life will bring so I wish you that you have people who will go to the darkest places of you soul and search for you and who will bring you home safe. Appreciate them.

1 Comment
  1. sullengirl76 3 years ago

    As my therapist has said to me (more than a few times now), sometimes the only person who can save you is yourself. From a psychological perspective, it’s not healthy to rely on others to rescue you from the edge of the abyss. Not only does the illness compel a person to hide how badly they feel, it also skews how one perceives life and one’s surroundings. Maybe others did try to help but you didn’t recognize them. Or, just as likely, they didn’t know how to help you. In either case, again, the goal is to heal – i.e., be your own savior. It’s not easy and, frankly, I don’t believe anyone ever “cures” depression. But, as my own experience has taught me, you can get better at recognizing the signs of a relapse and you can deploy healthy coping mechanisms. Sometimes, you can even learn to spot your triggers *before* a relapse, and then take evasive action through those healthy coping mechanisms.

    Everyone is different so there is no guarantee that anyone else’s coping tools will help you, but I often find comfort in taking a short walk, practicing some deep breathing and mindfulness exercises, and sometimes splurging on one of those “fru-fru” coffee drinks. Journaling can also be helpful. Specifically, there is mounting evidence that keeping a Gratitude Journal can be quite effective in helping pick oneself up off the emotional floor.

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