If I dont work I will lose my home.

I have no friends or family.

:I make too much” to receive any kind of benefits.   I don’t make enough to even pay for the lowest amount of insurance.

I cannot for to get sick I can’t afford to take A-day off.  I’m constantly living on the edge.

If I lose everything…  There’s nothing left.

I get 2 weeks vacation time which I don’t get to use because I have to cash that in so I can pay for some of my heat in the Winter and I pray that it’s not gonna be so cold out each year.

I do not qualify for heating help because again…”I make to much”

I don’t qualify for food stamps or food pantries because “I make to much”

Food or bill ? food or bill?

I can’t get health care because “I make to much

I can’t get health care because it’s a little over half what I make a week… they take it out weekly

I have a shadow in my last mammogram.  I have ovaries that are suppose to come out two years ago.

But I cant get help.

I have severe depression and anxiety which affects my breathing actually fractured my Thorax because of it.

Psychologists and therapists although I cant rwally afford them out of pocket…. They won’t touch me because I don’t have insurance. They don’t wanna look at me.

One therapist I did get to see  looked at me… I think he knew he couldnt help me… He made an appointment for me 2 weeks later I showed up I sat in the office for a 1/2 hour nobody was there he never came out…. My anxiety told me he didn’t wanna see me so I left. I text messaged him and I told him that we had the employment.

I was there . He never responded .

I spend $650 just to be able to work.

400 in gas alone.. I can’t get a job close by.

Social services does not when I hear it because I make too much even though I told them I would have to sleep in the parking lot to be able to afford my bills…. If I turned off my electricity and my heat. They dont care.

My house is falling down around me.

My kitchen sink detached I can’t use that.

My toilet I flush with a bucket.. Because that wont-work either.

I have 3 lines of electric down my house… Lie refrigerator broke that no longer works. I can’t use my stove because the electric lines down. The last line available that I have runs my furnace hot water and my phone washer and three plugs I have left for light.

My video clip keeps on breaking down the only way I can get to work.. When it snows I have to sleep here because it’s too dangerous… I can’t drive-through the mountains in the snow that far.

I work 42 hours a week but I’m gone for over 16 hours.    I travel 12 hours week all together  For a job that a barely can get by.

No time to make friends no time for significant other even though I have trust issues and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have somebody in my life again….. The only person that I let in after really rough time took what was left from me.

Shut me off ghosted me if you know what that is. I am the walking dead. The only thing that I had to look forward to.

It to try growing plants for food but you need time to be able to garden. You need time to gather food. I don’t have time I have work and if I’m not working I’m so exhausted I could barely even pick up my house. I go home I see my animals I go to sleep. On Monday a cat snagged an egg… Dog sound it broke it… Cat decided to play with egg shells…. It’s still all over my carpet just because I don’t have the time to vacuum.

I’m in pain every day my back hurts constantly. My heels hurt constantly just to walk my knees hurt constantly.

Cant afford disability … How can I for that if I can’t even afford to look on what I make now I would have even less. I feel hopeless and I have no help… If I wanna visit my family I have to go to the graveyard.

I obviously need Therapy and help and medication.

I started to self medicate myself. I used to be prescribed valium… its helps a little  When I’m all wound up… It won’t even make a Dent

I used to be given kolonpin that didn’t do anything neither.  But I used to live with my ex who gave me excited I so badd where I couldn’t breathe nothing was helping me.

 

I don’t know what to do I don’t know where to turn I can’t get any help nobody will help me I don’t have any money…. I hate myself and I hate everybody

 

1 Comment
  1. infected 3 years ago

    I’m sorry you’re in financial need. If you ever want to vent twords me I’m here too listen. Seem really strong and I’m sorry you don’t have anyone to talk too. You’re amazing for fighting this and If you get anything out of this is just stay strong.

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