i am finding it very hard to function from day to day it is so strange for me to be here i never thought i would come back after my attempt to end my life it is very hard for me to look at my child and know that i almost left her mother less i dont know even how to remotley begin to cope with all that has happend and all that i have learned in this process about the people i had allowed in my life looking back now i have no idea what i was thinking i feel like i was living another life but now being clean and sober it seems to be like looking at my life through a differnt set of lenses i am grateful to be getting the help now that i need but everything still feels so sureall to me i feel like i am wondering in a world i was not meant to be in im not sure where to go from here or how to process the feelings i am feeling about it all i feel as though i let a lot of people down including me my thoughts continue to swim nightmares still haunt my sleep my days feel so long and heavy i just keep telling myself take it min by min dont be hard on me but i have come to learn left to my own accord i am my own worst enemy but i have learned that even through my struggles i have people who love me and care for me and i have to keep going up from here the road is long the battle is epic but the journey is worth it in the end i will heal in time i just have to hang on to hope and all of the good in my life for one ounce of good is better than ten pounds of bad and as long as i keep this outllook i will make it