ok My first blog was on a bad day not that today is much better i just don’t feel so defeated,  i wnat to introduce my situation and try find if someone can relate and give me input.  the common theme we all have is thoughts we can not or have to work very hard to live with and then the actions we take to rrelieve the feelings those thoughts induce.  my sitiasution seems strange .  to most people i an "normal" just a bit of a worrier.  to people who know about my ocd i seemt o have the germ issues type when really i personally do not mind germs or disorder or  dirt.  my real obsession is with preventing my daughters exposure to these things?  so i lysol and wash my hands a million times a day.  i avoid leaving them with others because i feel they won’t protect them the same.  i avoid bbqs and events so people don’t see me like this.  life kinda sucks right now.. all i am reallyu trying to do is be a good mother but as a result i have become a nut,  and i can’t just enjoy my life.  which i should because i have it all  great husband happy marriage beautiful kids nice home ect. ect.  i wish i would obsess about having happy kids as much as i do about having healthy kids.  my question is this as aparent my responsiblity is to love teach and protet my babies  so with ocd the line is very blurry i am contantly quetioning IS THIS OCD or IS THIS MOTHERLY INTINCT.  very confusing and frustrating!!!!!   then there is the guilt  for wasting so much time in my head that i don’t play or be the happy goffy mother i want to be.  and then theres the guilt that all the cleaning and products are putting them in danger because they need some germs and that sh*t is pioson.  i can’t win i don’t know where to start i am in therepy and on meds(make me exhausted).  i wish i could be carefree!  cautious yes but not scared that every desision i make will ruin my chuildren.  one mor thought  i was wondering if anyone has ever considered or tryed find out the facts about germs (time the live, whats good and bad…?)  to try to understand them i go back a forth on if it is a good idea cause then i will obbsess about the time… but it may relieve the fact that i fear things that don’t need to be feared.  but also i know that ocd can not be "reasoned" with so maybe it is not so good>>> i don’t know but i need to make a plan so i can get over this before my life flashes before my eyes and i miss everything cause i’m in my head. sorry so long!!

1 Comment
  1. mommyof2 13 years ago

    I know exactly where you are coming from.

    0 kudos

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