:10500:i grew up seeing a lot, not quite processing. then when i got older & realized all of the sick crap, then it really traumatized me…it still is, i just found out last week a new item & i can’t get over it…YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!…i went through cycles of depression (w/ no help or recognition of what was going on by me or anyone else) as a teen…i was also a classic overacheiver, everyone thought was i was just wonderful, but really i was trying to find a fix..didn’t work,…. so i became sexually active way tooo early & w/ all the wrong guys, again didn’t work…in my early twenties i bounced around f/ college to college, job to job, state to state, “true love” to “true love”….nothing worked….married a sadistic man w/ an even crueler family, had a beautiful little girl (who had cerebral palsy), lost my angel when she was a year & 20 days old….then the depths of hell went farther than i ever imagined…….they said i was neglegent because i put a cool rag on my daughter to help with her horrendous night sweats (i & my husband had done this 100’s of times)…i was asleep when she suffocated….her muscle spasms had caused her body to convulse & move the rag from her neck to her face…she was unable to move her head the other way on her own…i woke up, rushed her to the hospital, too late…..i sang her one last lullabye…my husband left me for his mistress (the gas station girl, the only girl i knew in that small town because i wasn’t allowed out of the house by him)….his family paid off the DA & judge….the sheriff fought for me….my parents spent all their retirement to help me…while i was awaiting trial i became a fullon daily, hourly alcoholic & got engaged to a man who tried to kill me twice…i gave up after 3 yrs of trying to fight louisianna law from oklahoma…i was sent to jail on neglegent homicide……the 8 yr process of all of that is still going on…i’m out now…married to my best friend of 19 yrs for the last yr & a half….well medicated, supported….still cycling, still having to do things in 3, still waking up anyone in their sleep…i still sometimes think life would be better without my existence ever…but there are fewer & fewer of those days….


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