i’ve managed to get back the test results this week, from my yearly checks (which were late getting done), and everything seems to be working OK.  i know i’ve got to keep my meds going, and even work a lil more on my diet, so i can get some of the levels back to a healthy number.  i want to let you know–especially if you’ve never had to deal with addiction or you have, and it just never made much sense to ya–that i’ve been in the same boat.  However, i am trying to work on understanding it a bit better, and working on what i can, to try and better myself.  i know i’ll be a work in progress, as long as i’m in the land of the living.  And, yes, due to a combination of things (meds, professionals, not shutting completely down, etc.), i’m still in it….i have been to two support group meetings–Families Anonymous–as well as the individual therapy that continues.  It ain’t easy, a lot of the time–most of the time–but, i can’t leave my son nor my grandson, in the wind.  They need to know that they’re loved and can always share whatever they want or need with me.  With that being said, i think my next ‘big’ plan is gonna have to have something to do with Shelby’s going away party, since she’s been gone for over a year, now.  i’m not sure–yet–about the date, so that’s still up in the air, kinda.  But, for now, i’m thinking of a decently warm day, in the park, since Shelby loved being outside.  i’m thinking of getting some neon green balloons so people can either send up a note ‘to her’ or just release them and start letting go.  i wonder if it might help to take up a collection–obviously from those who can/want to donate–for one of the groups that’re actively helping/working to fight against drug addiction, or the boys’n girls’ club, since that was the group the detective initially suggested.  That wouldn’t be taboo or tactless, would it–to ask for donations?  i want people to use whatever time and place we’ll have, to start healing from this huge loss.  i want everyone to tell of the goodness Shelby had in her heart, how she always tried to help out, her creativity, and how hard she tried/worked, especially when she was younger.  —If anyone reads this and has any suggestions, feel free to leave a comment here or drop me a msg, please!!!       

Ya know, we’re all supposed to support one another, no matter what tribe(s) we belong to.  Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on or some input, from time to time.  It’s all part of being human.  Never feel like you have to suffer in silence or alone.  There are a lot of caring, compassionate, helpful souls that belong to the tribes.  Please know that you matter!!!!  Keep trying.  i won’t say it’s gonna be easy or be over quickly, but do what you can do and ask for help!!!  ***HUGS***


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