It makes me wonder about the inner-workings of the moral center of the brain when it comes to intrusive thoughts and OCD. You never hear about a person having intrusive thoughts that coincide with their personal beliefs, they are always thoughts based on the opposite of their beliefs. Thoughts of homosexuality, of cheating, pedophilia, etc. What causes this so called inner-working error? It seems as if the error is the complete opposite of what causes sociopathy, whereas sociopathy causes the complete discare of everything and OCD causes the overcaring of everything.

My own personal journey with OCD has opened my eyes to the horrors ones mind can create. It seems strange that the fine line of psychopathy and OCD is not crossed within my brain, and I wonder what sets apart the people with mental illness and the people who commit viscious crimes. Whether one wants to admit it or not, a person with intrusive thoughts is only different from a criminal because they haven't the desire to act, nor are the pleasured by such thoughts. Criminals are the exact opposite, but this is a very close phenomenon, one that seems to me would be correlated to overfunction, whereas sociopathy and psychopathy would be the complete opposite brain functionality. It is with these thoughts that causes the most bewilderment with me, the biggest of all intrusive thoughts. Could we become evil? Yes we could, psychology has shown it possible. But, only in extreme situations.

I wonder how time will affect my brain. I pray that with time my brain will heal a little and things won't be as bad. Of course, I realize that that probably won't be the case, and for that I am prepared to deal with that possibly happening. I just wish the struggle to do the things I love didn't exist. Struggle shouldn't be a part of that. I should not feel guilty about the things I do because they make me happy. Everything within my life has bad motives, euphemisms, etc. Quite frankly, with time I'm sure things will smooth over, but for now I let things be the way life intends them to be. I'll keep fighting my mind. But, can one really beat their own mind? I think one can only ignore it, because we're taught our thoughts are everything, and when one has to go against what their head says, we commit a great crime against our own human nature.