Had a really rough night, alot of silent crying, cutting, angry bitter tears. The pain is overwhelming. I just want to die so badly.

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I'm not a warrior, I offer nothing, I'm no role model. except maybe of what NOT to become. I'm alone, and I'm tired of this. of everything.

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Nothing works anymore, i'm numb to everything except the pain in my heart.

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I thought alot last night, about people who judge others. wehther to them their pain is 'real' enough, or it becomes a compentition.

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or, to older people who don't validate how younger people feel and their traumas and pain and suffering because, unlike those older people they haven't lived as long. how could they possibly know pain?

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It doesn't matter if you 13, 20 or 100. when pain, depression,anxiety,whatever hit you- you might has weel lived beyond alife time.

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I might be only 19 (20 soon) but what i've been through, whether it be my depression,anxiety, disorders, selfharm or the abuse, It's taken over 17 years of my life.

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and to some, that doesn't count? only my physical syptoms matter. or I'm just over reacting and I need to grow a pair and move on.

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or they're tired of my problems and I need to move on, or my suicide attempts in the past are a burden and embarrassment to them.

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nothing compares to there OWN problems. and if it doesn't make them look like the victim, they don't care.

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You're really just the beating post for them. no one cares, not really. we're all alone. and as a bleeding heart, I was foolish to ever think different.

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Repeatedly i've had to stitch up my already shattered heart an a attempt to help others. or take their cruel words and thoughts, and just take it upon myself to hurt and let their words fester.

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I'm tired, I have nothing left. I can't hold up anyone let alone myself. Enough is enough.

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I just can't do this. but to those who accuse others what they're feeling isn't real. FUCK YOU. unless you've been in that person's mind 24/7, unless you've fought their demons,

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their pain, suffering, the fear and screaming panic. you.know.nothing.

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…That's all, just rambling thoughts…sorry…