First blog for me…

Wasn't a bad day here until awhile ago.  It just comes on for me like the tide…and I have to let the waves pass over and through.

I've been at this for some time now.  I keep hoping, expecting some breakthrough.  Got a plan, of sorts, to go back on some meds when I have a dr appt on Monday.  It's for something else, a physical problem that just came up.  Hard for me to even think of going to the doctor, having no insurance, and no employment, a state of things for awhile now.  It's so maddening to be one of the people in need in today's America.

I'm more safe than many others…though it's not easy to be a 57 year old male living under his elderly parents' roof, dependent on them for pocket money.

And to do this sober.  Part of the story.  I thought to myself nearly 5 years ago "I can't do this any more" looking across at my wife of nearly 22 years as she slipped into semi-consciousness on a Sunday evening.  She's now an ex.

I'm one of those who thinks we should be able to do this all without medication.  Even having plenty of experience with its effectiveness.  It's confusing.

So I'll spend the evening going to an AA meeting where I know some people and they know me.  It seems like so many of them are doing so well and I'm not.  But I'm making it, sort of.

Hurts when I'm on the phone to my young adult children and I start to cry.  It's embarrassing, and I just don't like it.  I know so much about my own mine field yet I can't seem to navigate without stepping on one…or more.

I'm wondering what this site might do for me…and how it's working for others.  I've only spent minutes here looking around, having only registered yesterday.

For anyone who may happen to have gotten this far, thanks…Bob G


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