So…As you know I posted earlier today, when all that drama in the morning went down…

Well, When dad got home he and mom didn't speak to each other at all. Thank God…I'm sorry if I sound harsh though…

But I didn't want to be dragged into a another fight, Though my brother asked dad about it, and his side of the story and he basically said "Your mom started it, It was her fault, over a fucking pen…How pathetic…"

and my mom's response to Jonathan (my brother) was that it was Dad's fault, That he was just being a bastard even though she was nice to him yesterday (wow…nice for one day…amazing..)

I tried to stay out of the conversation though, by hiding out in the bathroom, Because just listening to the conversation was making my Anxiety rise back up again, After I had just begun to calm down.

Also, I had mentioned I was trying to resist the urge to cut this morning, Because of all that had happen…long-story-short…I failed.

I cut several times this morning…and several times about an hour ago. Because again mom was telling me what dad said behind my back-some of those things I actually heard him say- and it just made me feel lower then shit.

He thinks i'm faking my pain with my Vaginal infection- which if any of you have had issues down there…you can't fake that pain- (Which i'm going to see that doctor again tomorrow at 11:15am…Again i'm so anxious about that as well…I don't like being touched, especially not down there even if they are a doctor.)

Anyway, and that i'm just a huge burden and what not…again, I don't consider him my 'dad', I actually am even planning on removing him from my list of emergency contacts, as well as those who are aloud to see my medical info at the GYN…

He doesn't want to deal with my problems…So I'll make sure he never even knows what happens. Hell, If I die before him-which I having a feeling I will- He won't even be aloud (not that he'd or anyone else would want to) to go to my Funeral.

Anyway…Enough about them…So, About tomorrow i'm really anxious…I hate doctors especially this one and I don't want anyone to notice the fresh cuts on my thighs..though there more high up so I hope the little blanket thing will cover it….

Just wish me luck….As far as not being able to resist the cutting though I feel like such an idiot, to me it's become the 'norm' since it's been going on for so many years….That whenever I try to break the cycle, I fail.

At the moment, I'm watching Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince…(I love the HP series) Trying to calm down, and not to trigger another episode of a panic attack or cutting…Though, I had a bad episode with me eating disorder tonight..

I don't even want to go into those details…Long-story-short, I couldn't get out of eating, so I ate alittle bit and ended up purging everything up afterwards…That's why I feel better when I go days without eating, Because throwing everything back up is always harder..It's just a vicious cycle…

I took about 6 Xanax…I hope that it knocks me out, and if I am able to sleep, I hope it's dreamless…Because whenever I do dream, It's never pleasant…

Anyway, That's it for now I guess…Hope everyone else in the tribe is doing alright, Your all in my thoughts and prayers…'See' you soon I guess…and wish me luck for tomorrow and that things don't go horribly like I feel it will..

Well, Have a good night..