Today has been a very rough day although it seems like lately their are more days that are bad than are good anymore :(. I am tired of being left alone but at the same time I don't want people around (which I know makes no sense) but it is the way I feel right now! I have anxiety when I am awake when I am asleep and pretty much 24/7. I wake up covered in sweat from the crazy dreams I have usually they involve me being hurt in some way! Which if u have ever woken up soaked in sweat u know it isn't any fun at all :(. The anxiety has given me some pretty out their thoughts…most recently I want to hurt myself so the pain stops or to prove to other people see I can hurt myself too it is not just u!!! I think a lot of it is a control issue I want to control what people can & can't do to me which at the moment is out of my control which makes me very worked up. The smallest thing can send me into a fit of shaking violently & feeling as though I am going to fall over or collapse in a heap which I am okay with at least until it happens then it would probably be scary & something I would come to hate as well! I feel as though I am all alone my family & friends do not get it at all during a panic attack they tend to attack me verbally & emotionally & tell me what a failure I am & if i was normal I would just get over it & deal with life the way they can!!!!!! Although their way is by not dealing with it & i refuse to pretend & bury my head in the sand like they do which may be why I have so many issues because I am trying to deal with things which is hard but to me it is the best way even if it doesn't seem/feel that way right now!!! I just need some support,love, & understanding without judgement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6 Comments
  1. coolbeans 9 years ago

    Aw, I am sorry your family is not supportive of you when you are going through such a hard time. I am glad that you are trying to work through stuff instead of just bottling it up. It is much healthier and I have to believe that you will be happy you made that choice in the end. Hang in there and take care of yourself.

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  2. Gphonse357 9 years ago

    I definitely understand how you feel. I\'ve dealt with abandonment at a very young age. Even now, when people act a little stand-off-ish..I withdraw from them in order to protect myself. While these kind of feelings never go away, they can get better after some form of therapy, getting to the bottom of the issue, changing your lifestyle, and changing the way you think. Talking it out among those who has experienced the same thing you have..helps a great deal too.

    -G

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  3. jamesFake 9 years ago

    Me too. I have bad dreams all the time too.
    You will find a lot of help here:) Take a deep breath and relax:)

    I have great respect for my family but I've built a high wall between us and I never get to reveal anything emotional. To do otherwise would kill me. I never wanted to either. So I come here often and write and read things casually. Sometimes strangers are better companions for certain things:)

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  4. briza_84 9 years ago

    No judgement here 🙂 its sad that people don\'t understand us and I say us because if you don\'t suffer or have not suffer from anxiety is easy to judge I used to be like that thinking people was crazy or that they where making it up but now that I am dealing with it I can actually say that it is hard and that we need to stay strong! Praying has help me allot if this is an option for you give it a try and always keep a positive attitude I know easier said than done, feel better..

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  5. ar310 9 years ago

    a friend once said to \”it\'ll be okay in the end, if it\'s not okay, it\'s not the end\”. for you, you just have to try and think that things can\'t get worse, only better.
    i get thoughts like you, but my therapist says that i just have to argue with them, because hurting myself is only a short term solution; the problem will still be there, even if you do feel better for that little bit.
    i also get violent shakes, normally before/during a panic attack, or when i\'m really nervous/anxious, and people think i\'m having a kinda fit. to solve that i just got to try and take deep breaths, and think about something else. or if a friend if helping you get out of it, hold their hand and look into their eyes.

    keep talking, we\'re here to listen, so don\'t bury your head in the sand. plus here, you can be left alone, yet people are still here, if that makes sense..

    hope things get better,
    amy 🙂

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  6. Mia09 9 years ago

    O my gosh you are not alone, and you have no control that you have aniexty, none of us do. I would not wish this on anyone,. I to have been waking up with aniexty/panic. It is awful, and I rather be alone, I think cause I just don\'t want noise of tv or questions or maybe embarrassment . Don\'t hurt yourself, that will make your situation worse. Do you have a therapist. Everyone needs someone to take to. Whether it is here or at a therapist, but the fact that you want to hurt yourself is a serious situation. So please don\'t hurt yourself.

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