I am so glad to be here to write on a blog with other people that have anxiety. I am 43 years old and have not known a time in my life when I was not anxious. I have had periods of time in my 30s when I had some relief from it. It seems that I worked so very hard. Later, I slacked off and started back emotional eating again and gained back 50 of the 100 pounds I had lost. Along with that some major life changes and anxiety was back on.
I have been taking Zoloft 100 mg for a couple of years now. It came to my attention from a good friend that I needed to get on medication again. They were worried about me. Of course I thought that i was "handling" my moods and anxiety but I was sooo wrong. They cared enough to tell me their concern. I took it to heart and started on the medication.
These past 6 months though I have been working with a therapist and she has helped me so much. I considered coming off the Zoloft as I was taking it for depression and anxiety and felt better. Then, seemingly out of the blue when I was going for a checkup my doctor brought up the idea. I felt that it was my Higher Power telling me it is time to stop. I have cut down to 50 mg daily and have been there for about 1 month now. I don't want to stop cold turkey as that is not good. Since slowing down the meds I can feel my feelings again. I guess that sounds weird but on Zoloft I really did not feel that much. I remember one time one of my younger co workers said I was the "original Kristen Stewart". I thought that was not only accurate but pretty funny. I just could not muster up any reactions or feelings. If I could it took a lot to express it. Before taking the Zoloft when I was really going through it, I could not hold back any feelings. I felt like chicken little all the time. Now, I am feeling like I will be able to go through the ups and downs of life as they come without the medication. Eventually, I will be off it and it will be all right. What will be different this time is that I will have the support of my online friends as well as therapy.
A goal of mine is to start making friends again and start doing activities. This is extremely hard as you can imagine. I can get all into my head before even leaving the house to go do something. If I am going alone it is all right. But, if there will be other people there I start imagining all the terrible things they will think of me and can't get myself out there. If I can just remember that those people will most likely not notice me and if they do it will only be in passing. More often than not, they will be wrapped up in things that pertain to their own lives and will not worry about what I look like etc.
I have some vacation time coming up this month. I plan to go to the Smokey Mountains in TN. I went there last year with my family and it was beautiful. I am looking forward to that. I think I can do it since I plan to go alone. I want to see silly things like the Wonder World museum which is completely upside down. I want to go to the mountains and take pictures up there.