It's funny. People always think of me as friendly and confident. I am an Optometrist (type of eye doctor) and work with people. I love people. But I have pretty bad Social Anxiety Disorder. It started in my teen years. In college, I drank so much it didn't bother me as much–which I now know is called self medicating. Certain patients, namely attractive patients of the opposite sex, cause me to have massive panic attacks. I have learned to mostly avoid these thanks to a daily dose of Zoloft and 1mg of Ativan 2x/day, but I dread these type of patient encounters. My hands can shake so bad that the person probably thinks I have Parkinson's or something. I am married with a toddler and have no interest in dating these guys. It is just a phobia I have developed and now I can't shake it. I know it's stupid but I can't fix it. It's like a monkey on my back. I have to keep taking the Ativan daily bc the one day I don't take any, a certain patient will walk into the office and I freak out and hide in the bathroom. I talk to the patient as normally as I can, I do a good exam, but inside I am a wreck and shaking uncontrollably. Sometimes my legs even shake. It is the most intense fear. I always liken it to this….in those situations, I am more scared than I ever would be even if someone was dangling me out of an airplane by one leg…I would rather that happen. My mind plays that much of a trick on me. And my husband has major depression/anxiety/OCD. But here we are, two educated professionals with decent jobs, intelligent people, being led around by the gonads by fear. Both getting treatment but not getting better. Good neighborhood, good jobs, nice house, beautiful precious child. A few close friends. Trapped in our own minds.