It's funny. People always think of me as friendly and confident. I am an Optometrist (type of eye doctor) and work with people. I love people. But I have pretty bad Social Anxiety Disorder. It started in my teen years. In college, I drank so much it didn't bother me as much–which I now know is called self medicating. Certain patients, namely attractive patients of the opposite sex, cause me to have massive panic attacks. I have learned to mostly avoid these thanks to a daily dose of Zoloft and 1mg of Ativan 2x/day, but I dread these type of patient encounters. My hands can shake so bad that the person probably thinks I have Parkinson's or something. I am married with a toddler and have no interest in dating these guys. It is just a phobia I have developed and now I can't shake it. I know it's stupid but I can't fix it. It's like a monkey on my back. I have to keep taking the Ativan daily bc the one day I don't take any, a certain patient will walk into the office and I freak out and hide in the bathroom. I talk to the patient as normally as I can, I do a good exam, but inside I am a wreck and shaking uncontrollably. Sometimes my legs even shake. It is the most intense fear. I always liken it to this….in those situations, I am more scared than I ever would be even if someone was dangling me out of an airplane by one leg…I would rather that happen. My mind plays that much of a trick on me. And my husband has major depression/anxiety/OCD. But here we are, two educated professionals with decent jobs, intelligent people, being led around by the gonads by fear. Both getting treatment but not getting better. Good neighborhood, good jobs, nice house, beautiful precious child. A few close friends. Trapped in our own minds.

4 Comments
  1. anotherben 13 years ago

    I totally understand what you mean. I have SA too and it is especially bad around attractive people just as it is for you. I\'m often also worried about not taking my pills just incase i should leave the house and find myself in a situation that provokes anxiety.
    It\'s difficult when you know it just doesn\'t make sense to be like that around people and you do your best to tell yourself not to be. I don\'t even seem to have time to think, it\'s almost physiological, my stomach churns, heart beats fast and i just want to escape the situation.
    I\'ve read alot of information that seems to suggest it\'s important to not avoid and face the situation and eventually it gets better but i dunno, somedays can be pretty tough.

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  2. savorypeas 13 years ago

    thanks for the comments! I truly do enjoy life, but when that anxiety hits, it hits hard. The good thing about it is that it gives me an empathy for others that I never would have had otherwise.

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  3. GabZ 13 years ago

    How interesting, never knew that attractive people would feel like this too!

    I don\'t get the trembling and sweats and all, but my mind goes blank and all of a sudden, I don\'t know how to speak.

    Maybe try a different therapist or therapy technique? I guess there is no harm experimenting with a few, might help!

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  4. lifeofmyown 13 years ago

    i\'m just like you! i have a lot of friends and i absolutely love being with people but what everybody doesn\'t know is that inside i\'m an emotional wreck and scared of everything! i guess i\'m just good at faking that i don\'t have anxiety. it\'s really hard to conquer because i\'ve always been an outgoing person that wasn\'t afraid of anyting but then all of the sudden SA hit me and i hven\'t been able to truly act like myself since.
    anyways, i just wanted to say hi to someone who is just like me and share a little bit about myself.
    if you ever need anybody to talk to, i\'m here for you!

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