So yesterday I felt fine after wanting to stay in bed, once I was up I felt better. Had a bit of a rubbish time in work but nothings perfect.
I've had a hectic morning in work, haven't even had time to think but it was nice to give my mind a break from worrying! Back to work in less than an hour, then I have to clean up and get ready for my games night I'm hosting this evening, so excited!
Started an hourly diary today, every hour I rate my depersonalization on a scale of 1-.10 , 10 being the worst. So far today my highest score was 5 which is great, because I started scaling a while back just whenever I remembered and never scored below a 7, which is awesome. Its hard to notice improvement when its such a slow process, but I think I feel better every day. Its easy to give up but I'm really trying to kick this things arse! I have been invited to London in May with some friends and I would LOVE to go, at the moment I have barely been further than my home town, when I've tried my mind has gone into overdrive and I start panicking and just want to be in the safety of my own home.
I need to start pushing myself, because i need to realise that the things I am avoiding just aren't a threat, its all in my head. I have been putting off trying to travel further than my home town, to get on a train but I will get round to it! The world can be so beautiful so why waste all my life staying in one place? Granted I am very lucky to live in a very nice town though 🙂
I am going into town soon with my friend and Hannah (the girl with autism I care for) which is scary, especially on a Saturday afternoon, but I have to get over it, I can't stand the thought of ruining Hannahs day just because of my illness, and how can I care for her if I don't keep myself stable for atleast a few hours? She relys on me and I won't let her down.
Sending lots of love and positive vibes xo