Hello, I have spent the past week staying with my sis and her family, it has been a bit stressful at times to be in a house full of people (5 including myself), 3 kittens and a dog. I am very thankful that my sis has let me stay with her near where I work; as I have been on the quest to replace my vehicle just so I can travel the 45 minutes back and forth to my job. I have a bid on a government auction vehicle and hopefully will be able to outbid the others with my meager financial means. My brother in law found the beautiful car and has done the online bidding (I still insist all on my finances) helping me to hopefully win this one. I am a bit sad that if I do get the vehicle, I will no longer be staying at this home surrounded by others . . . you see, I had the plan, that I am now sharing for the first time with anyone . . . about a month ago, I had decided to finish it on New Years day, after my life insurance kicked on Jan 1, 2011. It would have to be an accident so they would pay and I knew that when I was gone, my family would then also have access to my pension, which is securely locked up by my ex-corporate job which I desperately attempted to get about a year ago – the ridiculously wealthy, hungry, selfish, corporate companythat refused to release the money because there was no clause for a "hardship withdrawl" which would have saved me from the financial downfall that I have encountered. Well, instead completing the plan, I have been distracted by my family to not be able to go thru with it, my sis has kindly encouraged me, listening to my words, coming to me with a hug when my uncontrollable sobbing would not subside. My brother in law lashing out at me, forcing me to think about "what now", breaking down the steps, I was devastated by his words and it caused me a tremendous amount of pain, i cried for hours, an ocean of tears, nothing to show for the neverending tears other than blood shot eyes, black streaks of mascara down my face, my pillow soaked. In desperation, 11 pm, I called my mother to come and pick me up from this horror,  Ipacked what little I had in a duffle bag, put my cat into her carrier, stood at the end of the driveway in the dark cold night, the crying meows of my sweet baby kitty, Kallie, there we stayed for a lifetime, waiting for my mother. I barely slept in her stench ridden, loud, stinky apartment, but it was the only alternative to the other. My sis called me very upset and profusely apologizing for what had happened . . .24 hours later, my sis came to me at my mom's, asked if I was hungry (this was a "sister secret plan" that only her and I know,that we had developed over the years – a kind way tolet me know that she wanted to get me away from our mother so we could talk) we sat in her vehicle,  at theend of my mother's apartment complex driveway, deciding whether to turn right or left, she paused and told me she hoped that I would come back to her house and I gladly accepted, the turn to the left was the way to safety, me allowing someone else to temporarily take the reigns, encouraging, being led by my big sis, to bring me back, it was a very significant moment that I won't soon forget, I don't believe my sister interpreted the moment the same that I did . . .do I go left allowing someone else to take care of me for a moment? to safety, or right back into my stubborn destructive ways? that have led me to where I am today, into the terrifying unknown. After all the turmoil of the past week, I am a bit relieved to realize the words from my brother in law did motivate me to move forward and forced me to deal with my circumstances. Gosh i hate when he is right!