I dragged into therapy today. I was almost late because instead of using the extra time I afforded myself by getting up early this morning; I used that time to jerk off to porn. The past week has been a whirlwind of enabling and sexual self abuse. The internet and hotel room porn was more than usual, the phone sex was experienced twice, and – while at a strip club – two women gave me a hand job to completion. After wards, several strippers wear all coaxed (paid) to grope and touch me until one of the bouncers escorted me out. I was with co-workers and I don't think any of them were aware of my debauchery. They were all committing acts of their own. 2 other men and 1 other woman co-worker went. For the life of me I can't figure out why every single female co-worker I go on the road with wants to willfully go to strip clubs. Who is enabling who? Back to therapy. It was a good session and my therapist encouraged me (using reverse psychology) to go to a psychiatrist for an evaluation for bi-polar disorder. She wants me on meds. She believes that my inappropriate sexual acting out is a result of being manic. If medicine can help alleviate the mania, then I may not go on these sexual binges. Today, I left the referral doctor a voice mail to set up an appointment. At least it's a step in the right direction. I have also been smoking too much, so today I am attempting to detoxify. Instead of smoking, I am drinking tea. I already have to urinate. In my session, I was asked what I want. I know what I want. I want to stop being a scumbag. I want to embrace that fact that I am human and that I am going to feel titillated by sexual stimuli. But, I also want the will power to be strong and honest. I want to be the husband I vowed to be and I want to be the gentleman I know I should be. I see freedom in demonstrating will power and I want that freedom. I also want to stop thinking about Sara.