I'm on the verge of tears…
So my older sister found a temp agency not far from her place which is relatively close to where I live. Which has been one of my excuses why I've not done more for getting a job. Most temp companies are in Minneapolis, or too far away… I never want to have to drive into the city or all the way to the offices by myself to deal with the tests and application process.
Well, it really is great there this is a place closeby that helps with job placement in office setting jobs. I'm happy that there is one, but now I'm so nervous and scared about the applying and testing, and just starting.
It's been over four years since I last worked. Four years since I had a steady job. Four years where the most customer service I dealt with was making people in my home, family, and online happy.
I want a job more than anything. I want to have money again. I want to actually feel better. But today it's just… horrible. I thought I would go in today, and apply, but I can't. Now I've convinced my mom that I will tomorrow, and I'm worried I'll pull the same shit I always do and try to get out of it.
I've this pulse going wildly in my left ear and it's giving me a headache. I've been nauseus since before I got up. And I slept so hard last night that when I woke up it felt like someone had bruised the whole right side of my head, and body. I just… am nervous and scared about taking that first step.
I've been here a year. I've been here on this site trying very hard to be open and I've given advice that I can't even take myself.
I know what I need to do… and tomorrow I'm going to do it. Tonight I'm going to my sister's to work on her computer… refresh and learn Vista, and tonight I'll go over word and excel on this older computer as well.
Tomorrow is a new start… And I'm so worried… but I need to. I know I do. I wish I hadn't waited so long… or that I hadn't built everything up to be so scary. It shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't be scared about talking to people or trying to fix this.
I hope it goes well… I'm going to feel bad for a few minutes now, and then get to work… I need to fix my life.