So today hasn’t been the greatest day. I just started taking Zyprexa last night because my psychiatrist thought that maybe *this* would help me sleep since the Seroquel was a no go because of the side effects. I didn’t really notice much of a difference in my sleep, but it sure kept me groggy for a good two hours after I finally crawled out of bed. Went out shopping, needed some new shoes. I have always hated buying shoes, I can never pick out a pair I like. It seems that every time I manage to find a pair of shoes, I keep them for like 2 or 3 years, and then when I go to get new ones, I can’t find any that I like. No new shoes are ever as good as the ones I am wearing, even if those ones are falling apart and painful to wear. They don’t look right, or don’t feel right. Frustrates me to no end. After the shoes, I went through the process of replacing some of my old wardrobe. I figured some new threads might not be such a bad idea. So I go and look at jeans, shirts, boxers. I don’t buy clothing often…I guess I never realized how particular I was. I couldn’t get a certain pair of jeans because one side looked more bleached or whatever than the other side. It was too faded, I had a problem with shirts because I noticed that they were stitched crooked, some of them the lengths of the sleeves were slightly uneven, or missing a button, inconsistencies in color, etc. Noticed how I always did things like that, and it really came as a shock to me. After that I was at the register, going about this awkward process of ringing things up to a hundred dollars, scanning a coupon or something for some sale that gave 20 bucks off, swiping my card to end the sale. And then doing that a few more times because that was how the lady at the counter insisted it be done so that I could get 20 bucks off every sale. I got into the rhythme of it, so much so that I noticed the beeping, the swiping noises, the processing of the sale, and noticed that the pattern changed the third time, and she rang the sale through *without* scanning the coupon to give me the 20 bucks off, and so she had to recredit my card. Explaining that I knew that it was incorrect because it didn’t beep enough was odd enough. So after all that, a buddy of mine really wants me to watch Monk. Before when I knew I had OCD and didn’t want to admit it, and didn’t want to see anyone and just wanted to hide it and keep it to myself and let nobody know, I avoided watching things like Monk. Things that would remind me of the things I did and hid away from people. Now, I know what I am, I am not afraid of it anymore, so I said, okay, let’s sit down and watch. …right from the start during the intro, I point out that the tooth brush that he is cleaning with hot water is not the same tooth brush that he is using to brush his teeth in the next cut. …apprently my friend never noticed that. Spending a whole day noticing things other people don’t seem to catch because I am, I dunno, disfunctional or whatever, just drives me mad. But I digress.
Too attentive.
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Getting back to this; health anxieties; Natalie
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Sexual ocd
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..”stuck”..
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Update with the recent turn of events
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still waiting on the letter, so i still don't really know what is going on. its very fustrating but...
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First Post – Here Goes
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Long overdue, at last another blog entry
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I was thinking earlier about music, and just how very important it is to me, and wondering if others...
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Trigger
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I F@&%ING HATE OCD!!!
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My goodness, the lyrics of the song Nowhere To Run describe my relationship with OCD so very well. It...
