Back in November, something totally unexpected happened to me. My boyfriend, Alec, had asked me out (of course, you don't care or know who he is). This information will come later in the blog.
Back to my depressing life, I haven't had as many cutting urges (I don't cut, I just get urges to), but I always feel alone. My best friend and I talk over the phone and when we had gym together, but she's always wrapped up in her own boyfriend and other things at times. My boyfriend never really talks unless we're face to face which isn't enough sometimes. I just feel like I need someone to talk to. Not a professional, just anybody. I'm sick of sitting and being bored without anybody to talk to. I want to tell Alec, but he's busy most of the times I need him. My best friend is always with her boyfriend. Another close friend of mine has his own mental problems and relationship to worry about. I get sick of talking to my mom all the time. I just want someone to talk to at times like this.
My brother isn't close to me. Another friend of mine, Madison, is always with her boyfriend as well, plus she never answers her texts or calls. Colleen, she gets annoyed and ignores the subject. Nobody wants to hear what I have to say. When I do tell them what's bothering me, they get all worried, annoyed, throw sly comments or just ignore me. I can't do that anymore. Writing is the only thing that keeps me occupied now. There's just nothing but school now.
When I graduate, it'll be nothing but getting a degree, graduating all over again, then work the rest of my life. Maybe that feeling of myself living until the age of 21 is true and does mean something. I'll never know until then.
Anyways, the thought of losing Alec makes me want to cry a lot at times. My mom said she had never seen me like this about a boy before since I've been happier. Happier than any other boy I've met or dated.
At the beginning, I just couldn't help but feel we weren't going to last long, now I finally gained the right amount of confidence that we could. I was lucky enough to have him in my 6th hour of the second semester after the schedule changes. He's been calling me Princess and keeps looking at me from the side of the classroom.
Today, I literally took two steps into my 6th hour class and he ran up to me to hug me tightly. He's been texting me more and everything. I've never felt like this before with anyone and when I describe how I feel towards him to my grandma (her and my grandpa are highschool sweethearts), she told me that's exactly what she feels towards my grandpa. I hope I found my angel that fell from Heaven <3.