Augh! I always seem to get anxious after I eat a little more than I usually do. This anxiety that tells me to do something, in the past this was more along the lines of exercise, but now something in my head is telling me to eat so I’ll have more energy, so I can read, live etc. I still have that slight tense stomach, like for some reason it doesn’t feel normal if I relax. I can feel my stomach moving in and out as if in synchrony with my food, but not. It’s weird. And I wonder looking back later at this post is some insight will emerge from this or if I’m just posting about nothing. Nothing scares me. It really does. Nothing is like death. It’s not that quiet bothers me; often I turn off my light for an hour or so and just rest – that being said, i usually fall asleep but I do have thoughts. And when I’m done I feel refreshed, charged and ready to start the day (yeah, i guess my day starts and stops at weird times sometimes). The nothing that scares me is sadness. THat being said I do feel sad at times. But i wonder if i’m repressing it at all. I’ll have to look into this. Next time I’m craving an oat bar or whatnot and rationalize that I want to drive somewhere and this somewhere may as well have a purpose I’ll make it a place where you can’t get food. Just see what happens. (It’s like I just really start to crave the oat bar, ha ha) Hey it could be a combination of boredom and sadness – and fear of the unfamilar. Wow, look at that insight. Anyways these are my predictions.
I picked up this book on existentialism recently. It’s really interesting, it talks about self-consciousness, how the self is the world and how the self is totally irrelevant. Also, of the importance of making choices or else they’ll be made for you and you lose your soul. Yikes! Not good. What i like about philosophy is it’s absence of definition, it’s absence of trying to empirically qualify everything. I find that boring. This existentialism book talks about finding a balance betweeen the ‘I am" and the ‘I think’. Besides that I have yet to pick anything up. I’ll just keep reading because it’s interesting.