WARNING:  I am a little emotional right now and the following blog make strike a nerve with some.  i was totally typing in circles but somehow it made me feel a little better.   -Jen

 

So I found out tonight at an old friend\'s father passed away Wednesday of lung cancer.  He was only 53.  It has me thinking about my own parents and losing them one day.  Also, today would have been my grandmother\'s 85th birthday.  I lost her in August.  I was her caretaker until her very last day.  She was FINE until she had a damn stroke and then she just got worse and worse.  It took 8 months for Him to finally take her even though I prayed constantly that he would either ease her suffering or bring her home.  I bathed her, fed her, brushed her teeth and hair, changed diapers, cleaned around her feeding tube, gave her manicures, pedicures, rubbed her down with lotion, shifted her, you name it. She didn\'t know who i was anymore.  if someone asked who i was, she\'d say i was the nice neigbor, her aunt,,her mother, her nurse, her cousin…. everything but her granddaughter.  i was all she had and she didn\'t know who i was.  thats just not fair.  why would God let her suffer so bad?  she struggled all her life and she struggled all the way to the end of her life.  she caught me crying one day and she put 1 finger up at me and told me NO.  she didn\'t want me to cry for her.  The day before her last birthday, I went into her room and found her having a seizure.  I had never seen anything like it before in my life.  As the EMT\'s were taking her out of her room, I prayed for just one more birthday, and that it what I got.  I hope she\'s looking down on me today is proud of the decisions I\'ve made in the past few months.  I do know that caring for an parent/grandparent HAS to be one of the most stressful and life changing things an adult child/grandchild will go through.  It changed me, and probably not for the better.  i wonder if the events of the last few months (those who know me, know what im talking about) have anything to do with all stress.  i take comfort that she isn\'t suffering anymore.   Honestly, I don\'t know if I have the strength to do it again. 

ok, im a total flubbering mess.  sorry if i upset anyone

Happy Birthday Grandma.  Save me a seat Gorgeous!!  🙂

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