It went alright all the way there – aside from the usual "thier laughing/staring at me" – but then my Doctor refused to put me back on anti depressants. She’s kept me on beata-blockers for my anxiety. I tried to explain that I need something to help me feel less shitty but she was having none of it and just said to come back in two weeks and if theres no improvment that then we’ll look at the "other options" (she skirted around saying anti-depressants.)

I know she’s a doctor but surely as the one actually taking the medication I know when its not doing what I need it to do. Just so fed up with doctors. The ones I end up with never listen to what your saying – they just pick out the bits that they can prescribe drugs too. Feel like just not bothering. Maybe I should just take whats shes given me and show her how bad I am in two weeks time. If I haven’t gotten so low taht I’ve done something irationally bad by then.

And as for Livvies dad and whats happened with youtube.. He managed to reduce me to tears infront of him (for the life in me I couldn’t hold them in anymore) and he swears he only added them because he wanted more friends in order to get more views (on the videos he’s uploaded.) But I still suspect what he’s really been upto. Most of the women he added were from the UK AND were all under his age (he likes younger girls… he was 29 when I met him and I was only 17.) I couldn’t face having another row with him over it. Although one good thing has come from it all – I think he finally understands that he’s going to have to move out and sort his life out, wether me and him are together or not.

(Thanks for all the reply on my last blog, wish I could have you guys with me when I have to face him.)