Today has not been as good as I had hoped. I didn't get anything accomplished except dyeing my hair and a couple of crying jags. And my hair didn't turn out quite right so I'm bummed about that too.

I've had a hell of a headache all day and nothing seems to touch it. I've been sleeping on and off today trying to get rid of it or at least avoid it. Maybe I should try using an ice pack and doing my neck exercises ( could be a stress headache ).

Tonight a stranger called and was asking to talk to John (my late stepdad). I had to tell him thathe had passed away 5 years ago from a stroke. It turned out to be a lot more difficult to tell this man he had worked with than I imagined it would have been. When I hung up the phone I had tears pouring down my face. Who knew that such a little thing like that could bring it all back? I don't want to relive those memories anymore, they're too painful. I've tried to talk about them in therapy and it doesn't do any good ~ I just fall apart and we don't get anywhere.

Is it just me or is it a sad Monday? I don't know what it is about today but I've been down for most of it. It's probably from the headache ~ that always makes me feel poorly anyhow and then my mood goes with it. I think I'm going to try to go to bed early tonight ~ before 9 p.m. Maybe some more sleep will help balance me out after last night. I got one more hour of sleep after I got off the computer and then had to get up to take Mom to work and Zach to school.

The mechanic just came by and picked up my Mom's car to see if it's worth fixing. The car will actually start and run so that's a promising sign. I really don't want to go car shopping tomorrow or Wednesday. I hate the b.s. the car salesmen give you and how they patronize you. It makes me so mad! My husband was a car salesman for a short period of time, and he knows most of the tricks. I'm glad to say he didn't do well at it because he was too honest to raise the price to get a big commission on a vehicle. Unfortunately at that point we were living on canned foods and ramen noodles. But at least we HAD food.

I'm hopeful that tomorrow will be better. My Mom will be home so I'll have someone to talk with about how I'm doing and maybe take my mind off of it as well. Yeah, tomorrow will be better. I'm making my mind up about it now.

For tonight I'm going to skip practicing. My head just hurts too much from all of the crying and stress.

I send much love to all my friends here. Goodnight.

  1. Andie372 9 years ago

     I'm sorry that you're still having crying spells.  But if you're feeling sad, that's the best way to let it out.  Allow yourself to have these emotions, they just "are."  As for the grieving, some people never get over a loss, some people take longer to mourn than others.  Again, don't worry about what you think is right, just allow yourself these feelings without guilt.  Time does heal, so maybe in time you will be able to bring it up in therapy.  My suggestion is, don't force it.  Only you will  know when you are ready.  I sure hope your headache gets better!

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  2. ancientgeekcrone 9 years ago

    I hope you gave yourself permission to have a good nights sleep.

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