I just got a second job again today. DH is worrried because the last time (2 X-mases ago) I took a second job, I ended up blowing out my back and having to get steroid shots in my lumbar spine. It took nearly a year, hundreds of dollars, and a medical leave to get me walking upright with minimal pain.

This time, my back feels like it's in the best shape its been in for years. I'll be working in a plus size ladies clothing store that is literally next door in the mall to J.C. Macydale's. I'll call this new place "Torlane Buganue". (ahh-ha-ha!!!) Anyway, I'll be a "part-time manager" or "sales lead"–they seem to go back and forth between the two titles. In either case, managerial experience will look better on my resume.

"Manager" says "efficient, reliable, take-charge".

"Sales Associate" says "underachiever, bored, complacent" –which is exactly how I feel about myself lately.

My mom asked me if I was still going to go back to school. I think I'll see how I do being in charge of other people (even in a secondary way). If I can pull it off, I might be okay going into education. If I can't handle the responsibility of running a little mall store a couple days a week, how will I fare trying to manage a classroom?

I've never taken on a real leadership role. Sure, I've led by DEFAULT when no one else stepped up (or knew what they were doing), but I've always avoided the responsibility of having to lead by example or be that level-headed, go-to person. I've always done things alone and without having to live up to many expectations–because no one had any expectations for me.

As much as I dislike working in retail, I don't want this to be one more thing I'm no good at. I want to do a good job. Maybe this rinky-dink part-time gig at the clothing store could turn into a full-time manager position in a book store.

Man, if I had to do customer service anywhere in the world, it would be in a book store. If I have to have a day job while trying to get my own books written and published, it would be selling someone else's books.

I'd actually proudly tell people what I did for a living, for once.