It's been two weeks since I last saw Eduardo and everyday gets easier. We have talked since then and I surprised him when I texted him saying he had a good game since he just got off the DL. We haven't talked much and for some reason it hurts a little bit. He is active on my facebook page and that keeps me hopeful that he hasn't forgotten about me. I just don't know why but every time I see his picture or see his name on the box score I can't help but feel something in my heart. I love it and hate it at the same time. I love that feeling of caring about someone but I hate the vulnerability that comes with it. I think about him everyday and everything that happened between us. Sometimes I wish it had never happened because then at least my life would have certain emptiness, instead of ambiguous emotions. Sometimes I lie awake and wonder why he said all those beautiful things he said and why it felt at the exact moment he kissed me that i wanted nothing more than to kiss his for the rest of my life. It was one of those moments of "When you know you know". Sometimes I think I'm making some huge fairtytale story out of one night spent together. I feel so enveloped by him I just wish someone would tell me it meant absolutely nothing. I think it would be so much easier if I saw him like the other players, just one night spent together and nothing more. But he texts me, he texts me back when i text him first. The other ones never did and they don't give a shit. i think I'm just so afraid of getting my hopes up high only to fall flat on my ass. My heart wouldn't feel as heavy if I just thought of him as another piece of hot ass. If I just thought of it as nothing, if it really was nothing, then I could move on. I keep telling myself it meant nothing, I keep trying to believe that it meant nothing. My head keeps saying it was just another fling… but my heart says don't be stupid. Don't be afraid of what could or could not happen. My head's also saying don't be stupid by falling for someone who's just going to forget about you once the season ends. But when I told him I was going to go to Venezuela to watch every one of his games he said "Yes, you should come. My house isn't even that far from the stadium." I told him, "Ok, just wait I'm going to go to Venezuela, you'll see I"m being serious." He said "Ok, I hope you're serious." I don't know what to make of it or anything. Then there's all these little signs, like me seeing his jersey number everywhere or seeing businesses with is name and hearing songs that we sang in the car and smelling his cologne in the most random places you wouldn't normally smell men's cologne in when there aren't even any men around! Maybe I'm just going crazy. Bottom line is I am crazy. Crazy for him.


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