So I used to belong to this forum over two years ago, and now I'm back. Wierd. That's the thing about depression though, it toys with you. One day you're at a high, looking down on things and everything is ok. The next day you can barely lift your head to get out of bed. I'm a more confident person now but I hate the person I've become. It's hard to explain but I'll try. I could have friends, I could have a boyfriend right now but I on't let myself. I started a new job about the time I stopped posting on here and made soem friends at the job, I like hanging out with them and have a good time with them. They invite me to hang out with them and party with them but I just can't bring myself to do it. See, I've given up on trusting people and I refuse to let myself get close to anyone. I'll admit it and I do it for my own good. I've learned that you just can't trust people. I say this with clinical synicalism. I'm not trying to get sympathy from it or anything. It's just that I've been beyond burned way to many times. I only trust myself now.
It's wierd though. I'm so unhappy but I'm happy at the same time. It's like I've finally accepted that I've given in and am enjoying the feeling of not caring anymore.
Arghh, I can't describe it. It's like i don't give a shit that I don't care. Or that I'm proud that I don't care. Anyway, I hope to get started back on here again. I like having a place where I can put my thoughts. If I put them on Facebook or somewhere like that I get all these stupid coments from my parents and 'friends' and sound like a whiney little baby when I'm really not trying too.