I wish there was a mood that said confused. That is how I seem to feel more and more lately. Angel(the ex)has gone to visit family in Montana. Once upon a time I was supposed to go with him. Not this time. He says that we need to talk when he gets back. He said that I need to really think about the things I want to change in him. He wants to tell me things that I need to change. Well, first of all, I don't want to change him. I accept him for who he is. Second of all, I don't want him (or anyone for that matter) telling me things I have to change about myself. I am fully aware of things I'd like to change about myself, and don't need them pointed out to me like giant flaws. So here is the confusing part. I have been crying and upset over him for almost 2 months now. But after hearing him say that I need to change things, I am not sure I even want to have this talk with him, much less get back together with him. I know English is his second language, and we have had communication problems before, but this seems more like "If you want me, then you need to do this, this and this…." I sincerely hope he does not mean things the way it sounds. He can be selfish at times, and maybe he is trying to protect himself from my future bouts of depression and anxiety, but telling me I have to change that isn't going to make it happen. If he were just an ordinary guy, I might be more understanding. That maybe he doesn't know any better. But he's a doctor, and knows full well that my anxiety and depression aren't things that I can just simply "change".
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