My biggest issue seems to stem from my own dissatisfaction with life and the comparisons I make with others. Ultimately that is what led to a lot of my problems, I'll lay out a few:
-I got kicked out of school for spouting off to a guy online I thought I could trust because I was angry at my at the time girlfriend and I was angry that I was being bullied. I couldn't appreciate that #1 I had a girlfriend who really loved me and #2 I was going to a great school and so I blew up, got sent home, lost the chance to see the girl and lost my chance at a great education and $40,000 because I couldn't control my emotions.
-I lost my ex largely because about 2 years ago I cheated on her and things were never the same since. I did this because I got tired of feeling "unwanted" and like I wanted more. I didn't appreciate that at the time she was a sweet supportive kind woman I love with all my heart. Not til she was gone, I kept comparing what I had because it was a long distance relationship with couples around me.
-i'm miserable about school and my job because I keep feeling like I should be doing more, that I should be making more money, should be graduated by now should be doing better things like my ex does at her job. Yes, I make more money than her, I am well paid, it's an easy job, I have the chance to go to school. I should appreciate that rather than worrying about what I don't have.
-I stopped DJing because I keep feeling like "Well I suck compared to X person what's the point" or I don't focus on enjoying it, I just worry about how good it is. I can't get good until I stop comparing to everyone else.
The extent of my therapy session was about 50% about my ex cutting contact with me and coping with that and 50% about this. My homework from her was to try to recognize when I make comparisons and try to recognize patterns there. I also learned that perhaps I intellectualize my emotions too much and am not compassionate with myself and rather am quite hard on myself. So I need to work on that.
Just got a text from my ex while writing this, and I also think I may have made a new friend. Perhaps things are looking up and I should be greatful for that.
Onward and upward!
It is true that you have a lot to learn about being in control of you emotions, rather than them being in control of you. It also sounds as though this life wisdom has already cost you dearly emotionally and frinancially.. As far as comparison, that's a no-win place. There is always some one wealthier than you, more intelligent than you, younger than you, more attractive than you, etc, etc. This is true of all of us. You need to set your sights on making the most out of what you have. That's the best anyone can do. If there is competetion, it has to be with yourself. To make better use of your abilities, to improve your emotional control of your self, etc.etc.
You are your own worst critic!
You are not everybody else and as soon as you realize that….things will change for the better.
You are good enough!
Best of luck with your new friend!!!
JipC