A few months ago I almost choked on a pill. I didn't but it stuck in my throat and took a lot of water to get it down. For the past 4 years I have had anxiety and panic attacks and take Lorazapam when needed. Until a couple of months ago. My mother passed away on Nov 4th and my sister and took care of her since July living here in the house with us. She started going down hill and all my fears had started to come to life. I watched my mother go all the way down until the day I was holding her hand and she passed away. Since then I have been going down hill. Since the pill incident I was not able to eat in public then not able to eat solid foods at all. I always felt like something would stick every time I would swallow. Knowing it is fear and anxiety and depression that is stopping me from eating. I have lost about 15lbs now and am more than ready to get over this. I see a psychiatrist once a month and a therapist twice a week. I take lorazapam 3 times a day and read self help books. Every night I go to sleep saying I am happy, I am healthy, I am okay and every morning when I wake up I say the same thing.. And everyday this crap is still here. I want to stay in bed all day but yet I want to get up get ready and go shopping and everytime I stand up something stops me. I want this gone. I miss me. I miss the outgoing crazy fun loving person I was. I am on a 30 day leave of absence from work and just pray that this will get better.

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